147.

My Day:

Woke up at 6:30 to the sounds of my dad playing Wii Fit Boxing.
Dozed until 7.
Went outside at 7:30 only to find my doors semi iced shut. I finally pried one door open.
I didn't drive to work, I slid to work. Coming down exit 13 I ended up taking a curve a little too fast (about 20mph) and turned my car completely around. One moment I was looking at Lowe's, the next moment I was looking at Rt. 16. Luckily I wasn't off the road. However, I found myself performing an Olympic scale three point turn while a commercial van came down the ramp towards me. I took the gold.

Work was pretty much boring today. Just your typical freezing cold 9 hour day.
OH, but I did break the key copying machine. That's a highlight.
I came home, kicked some Wii Boxing Butt, made some Chicken Alfredo to kill whatever calorie burning progress I made.
Then I did some yoga. I actually LIKE yoga. =]
And now I'm here. What an eventful day!

146.

I feel like all I ever talk about is work. However, I suppose that is better than talking just about boys.
Actually, strike that. Today, this blog is about a boy at work. :P

This is about Devin. If you have an AMAZING memory, you may recall me talking about Devin earlier, about three months ago. If you don't recall, I'll jog your memory.
Three months ago I was just back from Rexburg, a town where 98 percent of the population is Mormon. I had not seen smoking, heard cursing, seen tattoos or piercings in over 6 months. Three months ago is also when I started working at Lowe's where a vast majority of the workers smoke, all of them cuss, many have tattoos and Devin has lots of piercings. (A few others have tongue piercings, but Devin takes the prize.) Devin has a septum piercing, lip piercing(s), two gauges per ear and well, I think that's it. It was probably my first day on registers when I met him. He came through my line and paid cash. When a person pays cash I have to ask for their phone number. Well, not only did he do the usual "this is when you can call" line that I usually get from old men, he used a pet name such as honey, sweetie, or something to that effect. I was pretty much shell shocked. Someone called me HONEY after first meeting me AND played the whole phone number game?? Where the heck was I? After I calmed down, which took about four days to do, I got to know him better. He really reminds me of some of the people I used to hang out with in High School. He is a sweet guy and sensitive sometimes. He knows when I'm having a bad day when no one else notices and always has something positive to say. Today he was talking to me and he randomly goes, "Have you lost weight?" Me, "Yeahh..." Devin, "Congrats!! How much?" Me, "Like, 25 pounds." He got all excited for me and everything. I don't think my MOM even noticed until I told her. (You know it's bad when you lose 25 pounds and it's not terribly noticeable. HAHA.) After asking how I did it, (I have NO clue how I've lost weight, by the way, as I'm currently eating an entire roll of Life Savers,) Devin implied something about how he kinda likes bigger girls. Knowing the lingo, I added in, "Oh, you like BBW?" Well, I get an A for shocking Devin. He did a 'I'm so surprised you knew that so I'm going to step back to show you how surprised I am' thing and then explained that he was surprised how I knew that. My response was naturally: "Big beautiful woman? Psh, honey, please, I know what I am!" Cue exit. Bahaha.


Now, to talk about other guys at work. Haha. I usually plan on having the, "Do Mormons celebrate Christmas?" question once per holiday season. However, I was graced with two this year and thus had to explain that we are the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter Day Saints. One response was "So, you're not like the Jehovah's Witnesses?" And the other response was, "Oh. Okay." I'm really glad I have the opportunity to teach the people I work with about my religion. I once tried to do that at my old job, but another girl who is in a different religion started to get snotty towards me and my views. Anytime I did anything not perfect, she would get mad at me and say, "I thought Mormons strive for perfection." No matter how many times I explained agency and perfection as the church sees it, she would just shut me down by saying something final. She didn't really listen. So, I haven't had a whole lot of positive experiences with sharing my religion. This job at Lowe's however has shown me that it's okay to be true to myself while displaying my beliefs. I don't expect everyone to remember that I don't like crude jokes, excessive cussing, etc., I obviously don't want them to pay me any special attention. "Oh, she's MORMON, watch what you say!!" That's not my goal. However, there is great respect there as well. Someone once went to tell me a joke and first asked my permission to tell a raunchy one. Permission denied, thank you. And he was okay with that. Someone else I work with used to be a member when she lived on the west coast. She no longer is, but she still has respect for the church. However, lately, I've been struggling with one old habit that is really hard for me. Before I joined the church I had a NASTYYYY cursing habit. I think a sailor could occasionally be embarrassed around me. Well, as I mentioned, Lowe's associates cuss. They cuss a LOT. I'm the type of person who always picks up common vernacular. I don't know why or how words slip into my vocabulary, but it just does. So, now I will occasionally find myself slipping out a cuss word or five.

I know that this is kind of lame, but I feel as though my environment affects me more than I want it to. When I was at school, I obviously wasn't perfect, but I found good examples all around me. I didn't have the desire to be the person I used to be when I was at school. I understand that I should be my own leader and do it on my own. I should be steadfast and immovable. I do try. I mean, I don't read my scriptures every day, I don't pray every day, but finally I find Mormonism shaping my thoughts, actions and ideas. It's hard to explain but changes have happened. Whenever I get frustrated with things at work, I just think about all my many blessings. When people steal or lie (customers) I get SO mad and frustrated. Sadly, this has turned into a blind area of mine. I don't expect people to lie or steal. Everyone else at work expects it. In fact, my expecting honesty from people gets me in trouble. I had a customer say that all the parts were there for a huge air compressor. I believed him and did the return for it. Not everything was there. Today a man handed me 3 lengths of wire. I asked if they were the same length. He said yes. I mean, I obviously could have checked to make sure, but he said they were the same. I believed him. He was reimbursed a few dollars more than he should have been. It makes me so mad. He LIED for a few extra bucks. Then he proceeded to use a license that wasn't his own and tried to sell his merchandise card off to everyone in the store. I don't understand why people lie, steal and cheat. Is it REALLY worth it? Five extra dollars is worth all that? So, I'm pretty sure that I've been pulled aside by management more than any other cashier to talk about customers who were/are shady. I don't know if that is a bad thing or good. After I make a mistake, it doesn't happen again. I mean, now I doubt everyone and think that everyone is naturally up to no good. I don't like that. I like my naive world where I think that people are honest. For the most part, people are good people. Retail does frustrate me after a while. I learn not to trust anyone, especially not customers. Honestly, "The Customer is Always Right" created a MONSTER. I really can be a pushover.

A+ for most random, stream of consciousness blog ever.

145.

Why does 8.5 hour shifts at Kohl's go by slower than a 9 hour at Lowe's? I do more at Kohl's and have more customers, yet my day takes for-ev-errrr.

Anyway, I haven't been on here lately, and I wanted to tell everyone that it's okay: I'm still alive. =]

Favorite artist of the moment: Eagles of Death Metal. <3 Insane love.

IN LESS THAN A WEEK MY BEXIE COMES HOMEEE. And I will be going shopping with her. Yayyyy! Then after that we won't ever shop again. Until it's time to shop for a car! :D

Anyway, I'm going to try to sleep. Asher told me it's better to fall asleep before midnight. I didn't achieve that, but I can make up for it. G'niteeee. <3

12 Squared

Sometimes, when I see numbers, I think of how that number is broken down. I mostly do that when I see square roots in numbers. The only way that I can tell what time 16:00 is is by knowing that the square root of 16 is 4. It is 4 o'clock. Hence the name of this blog post.


Anyway, I signed onto my blogger to tell everyone all about my terrible day, but FIRST, I had to check all of my Facebook status updates. Well, I didn't have to, but being a 19 year old female who tries to keep up with all her friends, it was almost mandatory. Almost. That's when I saw this quote posted by a friend of mine that kind of made me stop and rethink my day:

"Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves; the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others . . . By and large, I have come to see that if we complain about life, it is because we are thinking only of ourselves." - Gordon B. Hinckley

 I read this quote a long time ago, back when I first joined the church, and frankly, just seeing that positive statement really made me all warm and fuzzy inside. So, instead of me just complaining to you about my terrible day, which, I'm still going to do, I'm going to make sure to include some positive things as well.

Last night, I could not get to sleep. I've been feeling not so great the last week or so. I've been congested, coughing, sneezing, the regular terrible cold symptoms. Last night I was feeling a little better, so I decided to not take any Nyquil to put me out of my misery. Well, that didn't work. So, around midnight, I plodded downstairs and took the last of the liquid Nyquil, which was about 3/4 of a dose. Went back to bed. STILL couldn't breathe or sleep. So around 1:30, I plodded back down the stairs and took Nyquil in pill form. So, overall, it took 1.75 doses of Nyquil to affect me. So, after my drug-induced coma of sorts, I woke up at about 11:30. I felt AMAZING. Then I looked out my window. Amazing feeling depleted. Now, don't get me wrong, I LOVE a little bit of snow, but ahem, 7 inches of it? Mmmmno thanks. I decided that, meh, it's no big deal. I'll get through it. So I went downstairs and found basically nothing for food. So, I took out a frozen stir fry and fried it up. It was delish. I love frozen stir fries. Since there is nothing for food, I decide that I'll stop at Hannaford's on my way to work and just pick up a Lean Cuisine or something. I got dressed in some jeans that DON'T touch the floor, two tee shirts, a puffer vest, a barn jacket, a beanie hat, and huge, thick boots. I was a sight to behold. Armed with my snow scraper, I head out to my truck. Oh yes, I recall, I pulled into my parking spot so I'll have to back out, turn around, then go forward towards the street. WELL. I got right down to work. I started the beast of a Ford F-250 3/4 ton with a v8 engine right on up, turned up my WCYY radio and started scraping snow. I forgot how hard it is to reach up there, but I did it. It was IMMACULATE. I jumped right on in, (literally, jumped) and stuck it in reverse and.... that's it folks. That's all I did. I moved maybe a foot and I was stuck. I went forward a little bit, then floored it to go into reverse. I figured I'd get traction soon enough. Oh no. There was no traction. Instead, I went sideways right into my lawn. GREAT. So, I walk up the driveway, back into the garage and get my shovel out. I shovel out my back tires cause, OH, didn't I tell you? My F-250 is a TWO WHEEL DRIVE. Well, after I shovel it out, I manage to reverse about another foot. So, I have successfully moved 2 feet backwards and about five feet to the side. Well, I guess I ought to go get some sand which is half way down the driveway. So I grab my shovel and trudge down the driveway, get a scoopful of sand, walk back up the driveway, place the sand under my tire, go back, grab more sand, put it under the other wheel, throw the shovel out of the way, get in the truck and reverse again. Success! I got another 10 inches reversed. I also went a little sideways and took out the driveway reflector/marker, too, but oh well. Repeat the sand fetching and reversing sentence. Only this time, I REALLY took out the reflector. It is now under my driver's side tire. Ooops. I did this exercise about five times before I actually got the truck reversed enough where I had the room to turn to go straight. That took another two trips for sand and finally, I was heading down the driveway. This took all of forty minutes, a handful of cuss words and a fist thrown into my steering wheel. Patience IS a virtue after all. I did not stop at the end of my driveway, I just plowed out onto the road. If I had stopped at the bottom, I would have been stuck again. I weighed my choices and I decided that I'd rather get hit than get stuck again. Hindsight being 20/20, I probably would have gone with the being stuck option. All through Farmington the roads were great. So, I called my dad to let him know that the driveway was a little worse for wear and I was finally on my way to work. Then I turned on to route 11 and almost lost all my grip on the road. Route 11 was TERRIBLE. I don't think anyone plowed it. I began fishtailing all over the road, hung up on my dad, and tried to get a grip. Close call, but safe there. So, traffic is naturally going about 25 in a 55, but seeing how the roads were pretty bad, I don't blame them. But now I'm running late. And the truck is getting really hot. So I roll down my window just in time for some snow to decide that it doesn't want to stay on my roof anymore. It slides down onto my windshield where my wipers are going full steam. Therefore, the snow came flying in my window and hits me right in the lap. Needless to say, window went up and I decided to fry. Now it's time to turn on to route 16. Whoever plowed 16 decided that the route was really 6 inches over from where the actual road lay. So, I, naturally, went off the road, my tire got sucked into a mini ditch and I had to force my way out of it. By doing so, I ended up yanking my wheel over to the left and therefore, fishtailing again. Now, mind you, I have 720 pounds of weight in my truck: fishtailing should not occur. Luckily, no one was on the road as I ended up on the opposite side of traffic. I got off of 16 with no harm, except for when I turned onto Washington Street I ended up in the wrong lane and almost rammed another car, but what else is new? I turn into my lovely Lowe's parking lot and... IT ISN'T PLOWED. Not one bit. OH, except  for the first six parking spots which is NOT employee parking. Come to find out, the plow company had been there all day... drinking coffee and plowing the road part of the parking lot, not the actual parking spots. So, I have no options: I have to park somewhere. So, I pull into a mound of snow... only to get stuck in the mound of snow. Crooked. And hanging out into a lane. Bloody Perfect. I didn't care. I just went inside. I get in the door and my coworker goes, "How you doing??" What do I do? Cry. I was so frustrated with snow, drivers, snow, plowers, snow, sand, snow, people. So, I cried. Pathetic. I slinked off to the break room where, OH GREAT, it seems like everyone is on break. It was packed full. So, everyone is all, "Cat, what's wrong? You okay?" So, I told them about how stuck I got, how I'm stuck again and how I hate snow and they all say how sorry they are about my truck being a 2 wheel drive. It goes quiet then someone goes, "AT LEAST YOU'RE ON TIME." Laughter ensues. One guy goes, "How come you didn't call on a man to help you?" I respond, "I don't want a man, or need a man to help me. I am an independent woman who can get herself out of her own messes." He goes, "Ya hear that," to my coworker. She goes, "I shoveled myself out! But my boyfriend is coming to pick me up." 

1. I got stuck

2. I almost died coming to work

3. I got stuck in my own parking lot

4. I didn't have time to go to Hannaford's for lunch. So I ate animal crackers for dinner and 2 bottles of water.

5. I had guys asking me all night if I was okay. I HATE crying and I hate crying in front of guys the most.

6. A married man called me 'babe.'

7. A (different) married man basically implied that he is looking for a girlfriend cause he needs some attention. 

8. My best friend's computer crashed and now I can't AIM her. =[

POSITIVE TIME!!!

1. I finally look good in a beanie hat. I used to look so weird in one, but now that my hair has grown out some, I look good in one.

2. I know from experience that I want an AWD/4WD

3. I got paid to do basically nothing all night cause we had practically no customers.

4. Most of my Christmas shopping is done thanks to Amazon.com

5. My bestieeeeeeee is going to be home in 12 days.

6. I have a jug of orange juice to console with.

7. I have finally figured out Korean letters. I just have to remember them all.

8. I'm just as obsessed with Korean stuff as Bex is.

9. Bex is bringing home my textbook so I don't have to buy it and ship it here. <3

10. I'm finally not congested anymore. :D

I know that the quote says that we're miserable when we think only of ourselves, and I know also that many of those statements began with "I," but maybe that's okay this time.

143.

I have amour-propre. Thank you French for that word.

I still love my job at Lowe's. In 8 days it will be my 3 month mark which means I should be getting a review. I hope that it's a good one  cause I have been trying. At Kohl's, I didn't really care a whole lot. I cared about credit because, well, if I ever tell you that I'm not competitive, I'm lying. I don't like being competitive, so I try to come off as not competitive, but really, I do care about trying to be the best. I was like, number three in the store for credit solicitations. Being back there now makes me feel gross. I HATE selling credit to these poor people. I don't want them to get the Kohl's card. It's not a good thing to have. But in order to have a good standing with the store, I have to solicit. I just feel gross being there now. It's all a nasty competition on who can be the best. At Lowe's, it is SO laid back and chill. Ten minutes late? Oh, oh well, at least he/she came. Want to trade shifts with someone, SURE! as long as the shift gets covered, no one cares. At Kohl's you had to have your signature, the other person's signature, a manager's approval, a sheet of paper declaring that if you don't show up than you're both in trouble, blah blah blah. At Lowe's, just tell your supervisor, the supervisor will vocally verify the changes, then change the schedule in the break room. At Lowe's if a customer cusses with you and you cuss back, well, sure it isn't amazing that you're cussing, but if the customer doesn't mind, it's all fine. You break your finger on the Kohl's sales-floor and say the s-word cause, go figure, it hurts, and some little girl hears you, the mother becomes appalled and tells the manger? Yep, you can bet that the manager is not happy. That may be an exaggeration of some sorts, but I do remember associates getting busted for cussing even when no customers were in the building. At Lowe's, the associates cuss at each other all the time. Obviously not in a fighting way, but just the slip of the tongue kind of way. Now, I'm not sitting here defending cussing or anything, I'm just trying to show the difference in work environments. Kohl's can have it's pants in a bunch while Lowe's is all chill and carefree. Yeah, we still have rules, guidelines and expectations, but we don't have to shove credit down customer's throats, then ask them for their email address and say the rigid phrase, "Thank you for shopping at Kohl's!" We do, however, have to invite our Lowe's customers back in some sort of phrase. I usually just say something like, "Feel free to come back soon," "Come back soon," or "See you later!" I try to keep it casual. Most of the time when I say, "See you later," the customer is always like, "OHHH, yes you will!"

I'm not trying to say that Kohl's is a terrible place or anything. I used to enjoy working there when I was younger. Oooooh, I'm old enough to say that now. But, I have a work environment that I am more comfortable with. It could just be the sneakers and jeans talking to me, or it could be the repeat customers who are there every day that are both cute and friendly who know me by name now. It could be the people I work with who are so care-free and lovable. They feel like a family of some sort. Yes. All 150 of them. It's a big family and every lunch break feels like a family reunion.

What I'm getting at is that I don't feel as though I can expect great things while we build something together. So I think I'm just going to stay with the lets build something together and leave the great things for other people. <3

142.

So last night I watched a movie that is probably not kosher for a young Mormon girl to watch, but I did it because I always feel rebellious against little things like this. I think it was rated R if it was rated at all. I read the reviews and all gave praise to this movie. Okay, Cat, what movie was it? It is called "Latter Days." Well, that's nice, but what is it about? Well, this is where things get difficult. It's about this young missionary who goes from the Missionary Training Center to LA. He looks like your typical greenie -- confident in his religion but scared out of his mind to be away from home and having to confront strangers about his less than typical lifestyle. Being that he is living in LA, he obviously lives close to his neighbor -- a pretty boy homosexual who is confident in his own conversion skills. Aaron, the missionary, and Christian, the pretty boy, obviously bump into each other and Christian tells his friends with whom he works with that he can get one of those Mormons into his bed. His friends take the bet and Christian's proof has to be Mormon underwear, (they hear that it glitters). Aaron and Christian meet in the laundry room that they apparently have to share with the public. Christian arranges for a discussion. Aaron is pumped for his first discussion. Too bad his companion is a jerk. Aaron gave the first discussion about Joseph Smith's first vision to Christian and Christian's friend, Julia. Julia asks about the church's views on blacks. Aaron gives a succinct and true answer about how blacks were allowed the priesthood beginning in 1978. Then Julia asks about the priesthood and how that pertains to women. Aaron's companion takes that question and says that while only men get the priesthood, women have the holy calling of being mothers, wives and care-takers. So, of course, Christian has to ask about the Church's views on homosexuality. This is where Aaron's companion bombs the test. "God hates fags! Burn in hell you stupid homosexual!" Flunker of a companion. Later the companion tells Aaron that the only reason he is on his mission is because his girlfriend wouldn't marry him unless he went. He also can't wait to "bang" her, he says. He is basically the worst missionary I have ever seen in my life. ANYWAY, I digress. Aaron and pretty boy Christian begin to fall for each other to the point where Christian goes all or nothing ignoring the bet. Aaron's companion got in a bike accident and so Aaron arrives home before the other elders do and he is really shaken up. Christian sees this and goes to comfort Aaron. When the other elders walk in, the two are kissing. Aaron's companion shouts out, "Oh, great, pretty boy isn't the only fag around here!" Christian doesn't get how big of a deal this situation is and says that it's not a big deal; nothing happened. "Nothing happened? You two were macking like two little school girls!" Aaron confirms that it's a big deal by kicking Christian out. Aaron is quickly shipped home: sent home in "shame". Christian comes knocking at the missionaries home to be greeted by Aaron's ex companion. Said ex tells Christian that Aaron was really into the church, loved it, knew it etc, and that he was now losing everything. Christian hurts for Aaron -- he can't bear to think that Aaron lost all that he cared about because of him. So Christian learns that Aaron, on his way to Pocatello, Idaho, his home, has a five hour layover in Salt Lake City. Christian jumps the next plane to find him. He finds Aaron, they talk, they basically figure out that they love each other and erm, spend a night at a hotel. Christian wakes up to find Aaron gone. Aaron's parents bring him home. His mother won't look at him and his father, the stake president, won't come home until late into the evening. Aaron goes to his disciplinary council, which his father is head of, and his father gives the verdict: Aaron is to be excommunicated. "I am so deeply shamed," says his father, "that you were connived into becoming homosexual." Later, Aaron confronts his mom. "Mom... mom..." "What, Aaron?" she responds, not looking up from her chore. "I wanted to see if you could bring yourself to look at your son." He adds, "What if it isn't what I did, but it's who I am?" His mother slaps him across the face and says, "Heavenly Father could maybe forgive what you did, but He could never forgive who you are." Aaron realizes the gravity of the whole situation, goes upstairs and slits his wrists open. Meanwhile, back in LA, Christian can't get Aaron out of his head. He goes through the online  directory and calls every Davies in Pocatello trying to find Aaron. Finally, he gets a hold of Aaron's mother. She informs him rather curtly that because of him, she no longer has a son. No, he isn't dead, he is in a facility receiving "therapy" to make him straight. The therapy? Cold baths, shock therapy and discipline. Christian shows up at Aaron's house to return something that Aaron left behind. Aaron's mother opens the door. She mistakes him as one of the elders Aaron served with, "I can just tell, you have that look about you." When she finds out it is Christian, the boy who 'destroyed' her son, she is appalled. He doesn't have horns and a tail, no, he is human. He returns to LA and so does Aaron after busting out of that therapy place. He knocks on Christian's door only to have some half dressed man to answer it. Discouraged that he was only a fling, he goes to a restaurant owned by a woman he met while on his mission. She comforts him and offers him whiskey. He keeps to the Word of Wisdom by opting for a Coke. Suddenly you hear a clatter of dishes and lo and behold, there is Christian, the waiter. They embrace and live happily ever after.

So, why am I sharing this? Despite the swears from the movie and the content, I really needed to see it. Why on earth would I need to see this movie that goes so against the church? Well, it showed me what people outside of the church see. I never really saw the set backs, the rules, the constrictions. Yes, I know what they are, but it isn't a limitation to me. I see why people wouldn't immediately want to jump on board. The worst thing I have had to try to explain is why I don't work Sundays. One girl was really inconvenienced by that and another guy respected me for it. He said that it is good to see that someone still observes that age old commandment. I don't know what I would say if someone asked me about homosexuals. How do I explain it in a way that isn't negative? I certainly won't handle it the way that Aaron's companion did. That is just way out of line. Also, it made me think about how not everyone is happy in the church. The church isn't for everyone, even if everyone was made for the church. It just doesn't always work out like that. It would be too perfect if every person just said, "Yes, sign me up Scottie. This sounds marvelous!" But yet, we can't JUDGE them. They make their own choices, even if it WAS to leave the church. Only I can know if I am right. I can't account for everyone's righteousness. They have their on beliefs and thoughts that need to be respected.
This movie increased my testimony about the church. Just the church, though. People can be so WRONG. The things that were said at Aaron's disciplinary council were TERRIBLE. I can't imagine if anyone said it to me. The things that Aaron's companion said and did were awful. The way Aaron's parents treated him was terrifying. I realize that this movie was the worst case scenario of people and their prejudices, but I know that this kind of thing happens. It has happened to people I know. People leave the church because of people's wrong actions. Now, I'm not saying that I know what being a "right" person is, but I imagine a whole lot more loving going on than what happened in the movie.
Judging based on wrongdoings like that is terrible. Saying what Heavenly Father won't do is ridiculous. How can you know what Heavenly Father will or will not do? You can't know. He is more powerful and more loving than you. That should go without saying. So telling a son that Heavenly Father won't forgive you for being gay? I mean, sure, it's better to not be gay, to not turn away from your upbringing, but if I were treated like scum by my entire family, glared at by church members and told that I was a disgrace to the church, I'd probably leave too. But this HAPPENS. Many people who experience Same Sex Attraction (SSA) in the church find themselves quickly turning about face to the gospel after being shunned instead of welcomed. A person who has SSA needs a smile, a hand and a friend, not a cold gaze, folded arms and a boot. I don't understand why Latter Day Saints can be so quick to judge, scorn and ridicule. Not all LDS members are like that, obviously, I just wish more members were empathetic, understanding and loving.

I'm so thankful for the gospel, my ability to read, understand and interpret it. I pray that I can be slow to judge and quick to love, always. I pray to always remember that poor choices do not make a poor person. I pray to always choose the right, even if others disagree as to whether or not it is right. Abide with me?

141

Awkward/bad things:
1. I had a customer call me "Kitty" today.
2. I didn't put any money into savings this week.
3. I can't sleep (ever) and am contemplating a doctors appointment about it.
4. My manager from Lowe's left. :[ That guys is amazing. 

Amazing things:
1. I don't know if this is 'amazing', but I wicked miss my old roomie, and I guess that just shows how much I think she is amazing.
2. I love my job at Lowe's. Yep yep. Still do. Almost three months solid. Now that, my friends, is a first.
3. I'mma sing a song with Asherrr! :D
4. Bex comes home in less than a monthhh! :D
5. I bought a new straightening iron and it is the love of my life. Second to my new sneakers. And well, maybe my future husband. But, we'll see. He has some competition with a pink generic chi.
6. I am actually vaguely tired. Like, a hint of tired at midnight. So I'm going to see if I can take advantage of that and get rid of my baggy dark under eye circles that has people wondering about my living situation. Haha.

I love my friendssss. :]

140.

Awee, I love my best friend. I miss her too! Korea <3 :D

Today I worked my Kohl's job and it wasn't that bad. Last time I worked at Kohl's last week it was okay. I wasn't extremely excited about it though. But today everyone was being super amazing. Even the office ladies were being chill with me, which, they never were. We were just sitting there cracking jokes after I got out of work and talking about bills and banks. YES. I had something to even contribute to that conversation because, I have A bill. And I have other expenses, obviously. And now I have opinions of different banks. So, we were able to have a good conversation, which I loved. Then, Skinner, Lordy knows what his real name is, came in, and he's unique. Gosh, oh, I love the kid, he's hilarious, but he isn't the brightest bulb in the tanning bed. Well, he's okay with it, he knows that as well as the next person. So, we were joshing him and he said something about how his mother is a "really smart woman." Then he further added to that statement by saying, "and so is my father." Lickety split before I could stop myself, I said, "Your father is a smart woman, eh?" Oh, the office ladies almost swallowed their suckers whole, and it was a tootsie pop, not a dum dum they almost gagged on. Oh they were roaring with laughter. Don't worry, Skinner was laughing too. He knows I like him.

Black Friday is going to be something else, I tell you. Both Lowe's and Kohl's require my service. So, I'm going to start my morning at 4am at Kohl's. I'll work there until 10:30, then I work Lowe's 11-6 I think. So, it'll be a good 14 hour day for me. Then I will go home and collapse until Saturday when I most likely have to do it again. But it'll pay off in the long run.

Gotta go, gotta fly.

137.

This was a draft I never posted, hence my random numbering problem.

Bex, you didn't miss anything, I did. :P

139.

I went to dismiss my sister from school today. Just a "I feel like plucking her from the hell called High School" feeling. Well, the office ladies informed me that I'm not authorized to do that. What? Not only am I listed as an emergency contact for my sister, but I am 19 and considered an adult by society. I can get a credit card but not my sister? So, I asked what my options were. Well, I can call my mom and ask for her permission to remove Christina from class. How do they know I am calling my mother and not a pizza place? I could call my home phone and pretend to have this conversation with my 'mother' and remove my sister that way. Apparently, you have to be 25 to dismiss any child from school. UNLESS you're under the age of 25 and the child you're trying to dismiss is YOUR child. Yes my friends, there is a clause in school policies that allow you to dismiss your child from school even if you are not yet 25. But as for me? I can't take my sister out of school because, alas, I am not 25. The office lady also informed me that 19 is just a number. As opposed to 25? I wanted to ask. Oh no, being 25 validates you. I can fight a war, bear arms, buy cigarettes, play lotto, ruin my credit, take out student loans, be arrested as an adult, but I can't remove my sister from school.

Oh society.

138.

You talk when you cease to be at peace with your thoughts. -Kahil Gibran
This is my new motto because it is so very true.

And also, on that thought, I am going to go write the book I started while at school and write in my journal.

Oh, the life.

136.

There is so much I could really say right now,
but being a Christian woman, I can't.




Sometimes I think about silly things.
"I really hope that when I start to go gray, they'll have a hair color that actually matches my hair."
"Oh man, I forgot to brush my teeth last night! Now I'm going to have dentures at 46 years of age."
"What would you call the baby of an ostrich and emu? Emrich?"
Sometimes I think about really logical things.
"If I took this as my major, would I feel fulfilled?"
"Would I consider marrying someone who DOESN'T have the priesthood?"
"If I buy a two year subscription but don't even know if I'll have this computer for that long, am I really saving money?"
Then, sometimes I try to think about what my sister thinks about.
She never really talks about what she thinks, just about what she knows.
Does she think about tons of facts all the time?
Does she think about guys?
Does she think, "Oh man, I'm going to get in such big trouble if I don't listen!"
Then sometimes I wonder if she thinks.
She must, right?
But what about?

135.

I lost my temper. I'm not saying it's okay, but I'm not saying it's not okay.
I'm human and I can only be pushed so far.
But I do have to  say that friends lose patience with friends sometimes.
Sometimes friends say snotty things, so I respond back.
Old habits die hard.
I was pretty good with my temper through high school.
I was the 'nice one' who didn't get mad at all.
It was hard, yes, and people took advantage of me.
I lost my self worth.
You see, in Middle School, I stood up for myself to no end. No one messed with me cause I would tell it to you how it was.
In a way, I'm kind of going back to that.
I will defend myself and I will not be pushed around anymore.
I have self confidence and I will not let people get away with saying stuff.
But, just because I defend myself, even if it means losing my temper, it doesn't mean I hate that person.
I've lost patience with Becca and snapped at her maybe twice. We had an 'argument' once. We almost never have time to talk anymore, either, but it's all good. I would love her even if she said I was a fat cow dressed in a red toupee with bad body odor. Mostly because she would only say that as a joke, and even if she meant it, she must have had a terrible day. :P Point is, sometimes friends say snotty things, but they don't love each other any less.

Being a convert is hard work. Living at home with a family that cracks jokes at your religion's expense is hard. It makes me WORK at it. I wouldn't have it any other way. People who have been raised in the church still have to work hard at it, but it's a different kind of work. They have to work hard to wake up for morning scripture study. They have to work at various callings they've had since twelve. They have to work on numerous talks they've been given. They have to work hard to not feel complacency. That's a lot of work that I'm not jealous of. Converts have to work hard to cut off all ties they have created. We have to go back and tell old friends, "You know, I don't know if I can hang out with you anymore because no matter what, you always push me to do what I don't want to do, which is something that I used to love doing" I stop swearing like a sailor and creating bad jokes and people start to judge me saying that this religion is making me someone I'm not. I can't date who I want to anymore, and that kills me the most. I can't get a lip piercing like I always wanted. I can't get a tattoo of a star on my wrist or a music note on my neck like I always wanted. I can't drink with my friends or play truth or dare with them anymore. That was what I was doing with my life and I stopped it. I stopped the ride at the very top of the roller coaster. With every clank of the gears was another 'normal' step in my 'normal' life. It was all very normal for me. But then, after the final clank of the gears, I stopped the ride and backtracked down that roller coaster, gears goring in reverse. I can't say that I've gotten on another roller coaster completely, because from time to time I get back on that roller coaster that I equate to be the roller coaster of my pre-Mormon life. If I had been born Mormon, I would have been on that roller coaster and the ride would have been going so smoothly. But, in my opinion, it is a bigger and harder move to stop that roller coaster. Yelling down to the operator of the ride and saying "Hey, Jesus, can you stop this Mormon ride? I think I want to go over to the roller coaster that Cat just got off of." Cat's ride is broken and not safe. Sometimes I look over at that old ride and say, "Why did I give it up? I miss me." But then I look at the ride I'm on and I say, "I love who I am becoming and I am still as me as I could ever be. I'm still terribly sarcastic, passionate, and wrong about most things. I have the best friend I always wanted, the one who completes every thought, and I have gained more self knowledge, worth and education on this ride than I could ever dream of on that old ride." Yes. I have to do things from scratch around here, especially when I'm living at home, but I couldn't dream of having it any other way.

134.

Rest in Peace, Matt Laughton. October 21, 2009. I passed you on my way home, that is, I pulled over for the ambulance. Someone in front of me didn't pull over for the ambulance. I almost went road rage on his behind for not caring enough and not showing respect for EMS. My mom knew you better than I did. She says you were a sweet boy and you held many good conversations with her when she substitute taught back in the day. I imagine you would have been seeing her again soon to get your license. You were sixteen. I knew your brother, that is, your brother annoyed me. He annoyed me especially when I had gym class. Kickball was a terror if he wasn't on my team. He sure could leave bruises with that kickball. He annoyed me because he was offensive and obtrusive. Robert was the one who graduated at age 20. General classes, kicked out of them every day and skipped those classes to go to gym. But I can't judge him for that. I doubt he knows my name. It took me a few minutes to remember his last name to make the connection between you and Robert. But, when I look at your Myspace profile, I see how much you cared about your brother and looked up to him.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the world we were born into. I'm sorry for people who make mistakes and leave people behind forever changed. I'm sorry that this person thought he was sober enough to drive.

I know that if you were only mildly hurt I would say something more critical. Maybe I'd say something about how someone shouldn't be out on a bike at 8pm when the sun is long gone. Or, where was your helmet? But, lets be realistic, right? I mean, for crying out loud, you were a kid and no one deserves what just happened.

Life is short. Don't be afraid of it.


Matt, Matt's family, Matt's friends and intoxicated driver, I'm praying for you. I'm praying for you all.

133

I have had this blog since half way through my senior year in high school thanks to Senora. She made me get it. I've had this for almost two years then. That's the longest commitment I've ever had. :P Just kidding.

So anyway,

I got a new blog on a new blogsite. Wordpress. It's rather complex of a site, but I like it. It's clean looking and getting easier to manage. Of course, it IS 3am and it's hard for me to read anything on this computer screen, but nonetheless... I have found ONE flaw, and that is that I can't follow anyone's blogs, so I'll be using THIS blog to follow and stalk you, but most likely will be commenting from my WP blog. And if ya'll have blogger, you can still follow and comment on my blog. Just follow it like you would any other blog.

http://eyestosunrise.wordpress.com/

132. Daft

I may be daft, but I have some questions.

I have a picture uploaded, and it shows up on my 'dashboard' but it doesn't show up as an icon. Why?

Why the heck can't I comment on most of your blogs????

131.

"Say you’re sorry, that face of an angel
Comes out just when you need it to
As I paced back and forth all this time
Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on the days drag on
Stupid girl, I should’ve known
I should’ve known

I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse
To come around

Maybe I was naïve, got lost in your eyes
And never really had a chance
My mistake, I didn’t know to be in love
You had to fight to have the upper hand
I had so many dreams about you and me
Happy endings, well now I know

I’m not a princess, this ain’t a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood, this is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse
To come around


And there you are on your knees
Begging for forgiveness, begging for me
Just like I always wanted, but I’m so sorry. . .

Cause I’m not your princess, this ain’t a fairytale
I'm gonna find someone someday
Who might actually treat me well
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rear-view mirror disappearing now
And it’s too late for you and your white horse
Now it’s too late for you and your white horse
To catch me now

Oh try and catch me now
It’s too late to catch me now"
-White Horse by Taylor Swift

I love this song and many of Taylor's other songs.
She writes them all herself and has since she was ten.
I just really respect her and her talent.
She's the only country/pop singer I have respect for.
Aside from Kanye. :P

Unfortunately, embedding has been disabled,
but here is the link,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cFOAHZ9U6c0

130. You know that feeling when:

You know when you step on the scale and expect a huge number, then you glance down and see a smaller number than what you expected? I love that feeling. =]

You know that feeling when you have a piece of lasagna and say, "my that was quite excellent, I think I'll have another piece even though I'm full," and then you decide not to eat that extra piece. I love that feeling.

You know that feeling when you look around the room and only a few items are out of place, and other than that your room is tidy, organized and functional? I love that feeling.

You know that feeling when you tell someone your standards of keeping the Sabbath holy, not swearing, spending nights with your family, not drinking, going to tons of different meetings and classes and people respect that about you? I love that feeling.

You know that feeling when you live such standards as listed and you don't go back on any of it by skipping meetings, wearing tank tops, bikinis, drinking coffee, et cetera? I love that feeling.

This is a feeling you may not know, but I love this feeling nonetheless. When your sister who is 16, has a mental capacity of a 9 year old and a reading level of a 7 year old who is addicted to tv, movies and online games asks to borrow a book for the first time in her life and reads forty pages into it in one night and comprehends what is going on and how the book is different from the movie and even states that the book is, so far, better than the movie. Yeah, I love that feeling. Every time I asked her what was going on in the book she said, "I'm on page 30 and Bella is emailing her mom." When I prompted further, she said, "Yeah, she hasn't emailed her in a long time." An hour later I asked again, "Where ya at?" And she replied, "They're at school and its snowing. It didn't snow in the movie." Comprehension. She is reading Twilight and knows what is happening. She can state the differences between the book and the movie. What a blessing to see her read. I never thought I would see the day when she would willingly hold a book. I'm trying to not be too excited about it around her because she would get weirded out by it and abandon the cause. I am just so proud of her and I love that feeling.

129. Faith

Today is not the best day I have had. Lets just start with the fact that I woke up late and didn't have time to shave. That is a great beginning to a good 'bad day' story, and may as well have been more than you wanted to know.

9:30am - I stroll downstairs determined that I will eat something today since yesterday I forgot to eat until 7pm. Typical scavenging ensues. I see some left over chicken and decide, hey, protein is a great way to start the day! So, I heat it up and remember, I have wheaties! So, I pour myself a bowl of it and top it off with some light vanilla soy milk. So, I'm chowing down and going over my facebook joys when I remember, oh gosh, it's Sunday! I deposit half of the chicken into the garbage and shovel the rest of my wheaties down my throat. I run upstairs and try to find something decent to wear. Hah. That was laughable. All of my old skirts are so worn that they are see through now, and any that aren't see through are not comfortable, too long, too short, black and pink. So, I opt for a black skirt that is too big for me. I throw on some peep-toe black heels and lunge for the door barely remembering to take my phone and wallet out to the truck.

1pm the previous day - I had a conversation with my parents about wanting to take a car to church instead of my huge truck. I had just about a quarter of a tank, so it wasn't a huge deal, but being a future Earth Scientist, I care about the planet, or so I like to think. Therefore, I would rather not drive the gas guzzler everywhere. My parents said that they would be using the car Sunday but I could pester my nana for her car. I opted against it and decided to pollute the planet instead of asking my nana for her car... again.

9: 58am Sunday Morning - I notice that I have hairy legs and have two options. Shave and be late or don't shave and be on time. I hate being late. Guess my pick.

10am Sunday Morning - I turn the key and voila! I have just under an 1/8th of a tank. I know dad used it yesterday, so I call him up wondering if he drove to Kansas or something. Nope, just around town, he says, and he also said that I had an 1/8th of a tank when he took it. Likely story, I think as I start driving. Well, I get to rt. 11 near the town line when I notice my phone lit up. It's a text from my father saying, "take mom's car." Excuse me?! Didn't they say they were going to be using that car? Why yes, they did say that. So I call him up since he gets mighty pissed when I text and drive, and told him that I was already in Rochester and asked him why he didn't share this valuable bit of info earlier. He assumed that I would see the car in the garage on my way out the door. I hate the garage and never use it. I use the front door. Always have. So his assumption? I won't spell it out for you.

10:20am - The pleasant icon in the corner of the dashboard lit up a nice shade of orange to politely inform me that if I don't get gas, I will die. At least, that's how my truck like's to explain it. When the gas light turns on, it isn't a nice little, "you may want to get gas soon, dearie," kind of light, it's a "FEED ME NOW, MORONIC DRIVER," kind of light. My truck and i have a way of getting to know these things. I have always made it home, but may or may not have had to get a red gas can and make a trip to the local gas pump to get fuel for the beast. So, I start scoping out gas stops on my way to church figuring, hey, if I'm going to have to get gas on my way home, I may as well get the cheapest gas out there.

10:30am - I realized that I left my coat at home.

11am-12pm - good talks that really spoke to me. Especially that one from Sister Smith that said that there is no excuse to not be prepared for the Sabbath and we should never break the Sabbath by justifying our purchases or outings. Gulp.

12-1pm - I have just one little Sunbeam to teach, so I couldn't do my little 'Agape Meal' idea since it takes more than two people to get the point across. Oh well, another time. Lauren and I had a marvelous time, though, talking about Jesus and how He is a good example and how SHE, too, can be a good example. Then we feasted on Starbursts. Unfortunately, the building's furnace died and sacrament was a little nippy, but the primary wing was positively freezing. Lauren and I kept the door open hoping for warmer air to circulate into the room and shivered together. Due to this chill factor, we didn't have a third hour and went home.

1:30 - I start home precariously. My gas light is still on. I use hills to my advantage and I may or may not have run a red light. But praying and singing church songs, I made it home with enough gas to not have to break the Sabbath. This is the point of my whole entry today. Physically speaking, and historically speaking, when a gas light turns on, it usually means you have 1 or 2 gallons left in your tank. 1 gallon for me means 12 miles. Church is about 15 miles away from my house. Luck or divine intervention?

Faith.

128. Me

On my way home from work today I began to think about things that I liked.

I like my job.
I like the fact that I'm losing weight.
I like the people I work with.
I like the way my hair looks, even when it's messy, [YAY TMAI! haha]
I like the way my room looks and feels.
I like to wake up early.
And so on and so forth.
Then I just thought to myself, 'you know what? I like me.'
I feel empowered and I feel gratified. No, not everything in my life is going perfectly. I'm not glam, skinny, rich and getting my way. That would be perfection. In fact, nothing in my life is going perfectly, really. I have a decent job that pays decently where I'm lucky if I get any fifteen minute breaks where I have to stand outside in the freezing cold for hours at a time and clean up after people constantly. I have no money, really. I don't have a car. I don't have steady credit. I have debt. I can't figure out what I want to do when I grow up, but something is telling me I need to do something science-y, which is going to be hecka hard for me since in high school I decided that I was never going to do anything concerning science so I barely paid any attention through what science I did take and I didn't take chemistry. My parents get on my nerves too much and I know I'm becoming like my parents. I have a temper because I am over protective of my friends and I'm not sorry to be over protective so I'm not sorry I have a temper concerning that. I'm stubborn and ridiculous. But, I wouldn't have it any other way. I like me.


After working at Lowe's for some time now, I realize what I have been missing in my life: BOYS. And no, not in the "I wanna date all men" kind of way either. I haven't really hung out with a guy friend in a while. Tom and I used to chill sometimes, but it was weird. It wasn't laid back as much. Marco and I would hang out, but just sometimes. I still love those two like crazy, don't get me wrong, but the last guy friends I would hang out with, with no inhibitions, was Stangina and Scuba. [Not their real names, don't fret.] Well, working at Lowe's has made non inhibition hanging out with guy time. Becca will tell you about some of the guys because some of them are just so gosh darn cute and funny, I need to talk about them to SOMEONE. So, I do. But honestly, I could never see myself with any of these guys. And that is what I like. Nothing is expected. But that doesn't stop us from flirting mercilessly. And I like that. Ryan and I get along really well. He is on a fire department in Maine, is gawky, awkward and strange. He throws sodas at me and expects me to catch them. To his surprise, I did. Haha. Devin always makes sure that I don't need a loader and always steps up to help customers load their huge purchases so that I don't have to call someone to page someone on the walkie. He always will talk to me and calls me "hun" or "sweetie." Then there is Kollin. When I first met him, it was after being at work for 7 hours so I was feeling very punchy. He asked me a question and I replied something DRIPPING in sarcasm. It was probably something about my name which is always a conversation starter, oddly enough. So, now we have conversations in sarcasm. It's great. Anthony, aweee, he's so cute. :D he is one of our designated 'loaders' and awee, I wish I could describe him better than this. He is wicked laid back and reserved but always willing to help or crack a joke with me. He never seems to have a negative comment and takes criticism well. He is just a wicked sweetie. Ohhhh, guyyyyys. :D


OhAndIJustSpent50DollarsAtAmericanEagleAndThatMakesMeLoveMyLifeEvenMore.
HOOOOODIEEEEEEEES.
Becca, kill me.

127.

I love working at Lowe's. I just wish I could work more than 29 hours per week.
I'm considering a position at the library, but I'm not sure yet...

126.

After having this blog for over a year, I still cannot find the "new entry" button without confusion. *palmface*

Anyway, in regards to 125, I have some follow up:

I don't want to forget my past, that isn't the point. The point is that it is hard for me to be here, anywhere near here, when people base their opinions on me from my past and expect me to be the past me. If I mention that I used to hang out with so and so, they expect me to still be that person who hung out with so and so who does who knows what now.

Ex. - I stated that I used to be wicked good friends with this one guy on the department. We were super tight; I even asked this kid to prom. Well, said person that I work with was like, "holy cow, I am dating his brother!" and she starts telling me stories about what they all do together: get wasted. So, she starts asking about the relationship I used to have with this kid and I tell her what we used to do together and I emphasized "USED TO DO." Most of it was innocent, but some of it was naht. So, she asked me to hang out with them. I would LOVE to hang out with them and agreed to it. Later on in the week she informed me that it was actually going to be a party. I turned hesitant knowing how this kid could 'party' but still wanted to see him so I was still going to go. The next day I remembered something that this kid once said to me, "Cat, it is my lifelong goal to get you shtfaced, cause you would make one hell of a fcking drunk and I would love to see it." Plans canceled.

I know that if I hang out with old friends, I will forget myself and meld into the 'old cat.' Even when I hang out with my two high school best friends, it's hard. When I hung out with them I was very interested in their, ehm, livelihoods and around the cussing I broke and lapsed. It's so easy for me to relax and be the old me, which I don't know if I like that. Shouldn't I be able to relax and not worry about the old me, or should I relax and be myself in essence? THAT is why I don't like being judged by my past, because when I am judged by my past, and people know my past, then I am more likely to relax and be that past. When I foraged new grounds, no one knew my past and I sure as hell didn't want anyone to know. So when I was at ease there, I was zen. Being my old self there would have shocked people and they would have led me to the Bishop's office with pitchforks at my back, but here, hardly anyone gives a hoot if I say something foul or make allusions to something not chaste. In fact, they would say, "glad to have you back, Cat."

The past is fine if you're the only one who holds the key to that locked box.
So, I guess I'm just going to have to carefully murder everyone who knows about my past, starting with you.

125. Survive

I love and envy how my best friend is doing amazingly in Rexburg on her own and everything. I'm so shy without her and she is just so outgoing and in love with life that people can't help but gravitate towards her. Without her, I am so socially awkward; it's just who I am. I'm just so glad that she is able to adjust better than I was able to. It took me three months to be secure there, and frankly, I did it better when I was on my own- truly on my own- and with good, grounded room-mates. It made me more secure and aware of myself. I miss it there where I had good people and clean surroundings.

However, here, at my old home, it is hard to live without her here. I am surrounded by nothing but my past and expectations. The only thing that I truly own, that cannot be taken from me, burned, or left behind is my past. And it sadly cannot be forgotten by myself, or others.

124. --Random ADD post

Yup. Life is fantastic. I have a job. I make good money there. I'm going to try and find a second job cause, who the heck wants a social life? I missed most of General Conference, sadly enough, I was working and receiving a scholarship. November 13th I get to sign up for an online class. I want to take Spanish 1, because I already know a bunch of Spanish, so it would be a fairly easy 4 credits - especially since I would hopefully have 2 jobs. I miss Bex. I eat celery now. I make soups from scratch and it takes me hours to do. I love cooking. I no longer drink sodas or sugary drinks at all. I try to avoid sugar, but being female makes me crave chocolate about 3 days in a month. [I gave into chocolate today, haha.] I want to slowly become and organic foods eater only. I can't go without meat, that's just silly, but I want to consume organic foods. I know that there are scams that say things are organic, but really cause the Earth more damage than non-organic foods, so I want to be able to grow my own foods someday. That'd be nifty. I'll do it when I have kids so then they can help me and appreciate the Earth more. Of course, with my line of work being Earth Science, my kids are going to ADORE the Earth :D I like Dan Brown books, EXCEPT for the fact that I can almost always predict what is going to happen, like, perfectly. "Digital Fortress" was a good read, but boy, I had that mapped out. Right now I'm reading ... a different one... haha, don't remember the name even though I'm halfway through it. It is not as easy for me to predict, but I had a general hypothesis early on in the book. I went to bed at 2 and woke up at 8, AUTOMATICALLY. It's killing me. I don't want to wake up early yet, I'm still young! Uhm, I think that's all I have to report on.

So... what's new with you?

Just another day in paradise

So, about 25 years ago, my dad was cutting lumber and the chainsaw bucked and hit him in the face. So, on his right side of his face he has a huge scar about 5 inches long from that incident.

Last year after he had some chest pains, we found out that he had a birth defect where one of his arteries don't connect to his aorta, but connects to another artery. Therefore, he wasn't able to have a regular procedure for chest pains, but instead he needed to have a double bypass.

Today my father was down at the fire station for a fundraiser and as he was about to leave he joked with one of the guys saying, "Well, I'll see you guys when I hurt myself with my chainsaw." Or something alone the lines of that. So, dad is out back playing lumberjack when the home phone rings. I never answer that stupid thing, so my sister got it. She seemed confused when she answered; she couldn't hear the caller very well, so she just ran the phone up to mom knowing that it was dad from the ID. Suddenly mom comes running downstairs and says, "Rick's hurt." So, I leap out of my chair, throw on my sneakers and run out the back door. Now, I'm not the athletic type so running is an accomplishment. I got out behind our barn and saw my dad walking out of the woods. He looked like something from a horror movie. He was holding his shirt up to attempt to clot the blood, but his shirt was covered in blood. When I got to him my mother had caught up to me and had called for the ambulance. Dad quickly rerouted me to the garage to get our jump kit which is home to some quick medical supplies such as gauze, sterile water, stethoscope, etc. So, I ran from the barn back down to the house then ran back up to the barn. Yes, I'm quite proud of myself. Then I got to see the damage. His lip was split all the way open along the cleft up to his septum. So, the very center of his top lip was split completely. The ambulance arrived pretty quickly, which was good. They were all panic-y and fretting over dad, but dad just hopped in and treated himself. He used to be an EMT, so he basically just needed the rapid transport. My neighbor is a senior in high school and he paddled down the road when he heard sirens here, and then the chief of the department drove up as well. Whenever we call 911 for an emergency, we get an emergency AND a full driveway. It's great.

What actually happened was that dad was cutting a limb that he wasn't aware that it was under pressure. When he cut through the limb, that potential energy became kinetic energy, snapped back and took him in the face. It was about 3inches in diameter and also hit the side of his face. After 7 hours in the trauma center, 12 stitches to muscle and skin, a CAT scan and some pain killers, we also found out that he fractured some bones in his nasal sinus area. I don't know the skull very well, but it's basically the bone behind the sinuses. He has two black eyes and a very puffed up face. Poor guy.

Domestic confusion?

It seems as if I have become the house-wife and I have to keep lecturing my children how to maintain a home.

"Dad, pick up your coffee crap when you're done!"
"Mom, I need you to do the dishes; I made dinner so you clean."
Then, after I end up doing the dishes, I had to ask her two times to hand-wash the pots and pans.
"Dad, don't throw egg shells into the sink. NO, it's disgusting."
"Mom, I need you to get your laundry out of the bathroom."

What did they do before me?

True

You know how people always tell others to stay true to one's self?




What if you don't really know who you are to stay true to?

Nazis in "Amerika": The Aryan Nation of today

DISCLAIMER: THESE ARE NOT MY PERSONAL VIEWS.
I just want to bring to the surface facts about our country.
This type of prejudice still exists.
These people call Adolf Hitler their prophet. He is allegedly wrought of God and the Third Reich is God's kingdom on Earth.
They won't listen to music created by anyone not white.
They have a list of music that is deemed good or speaking of racist things. These bands are, and are not limited to: Saga, Angry Aryans, Cut Throat, Fanisk, Definite Hate, Max Resist, Kremator, and Iron Youth.
They won't watch movies or any tv because of integration.

Columbine --> linked to the National Alliance (http://www.natvan.com/)
Oklahoma Bombing --> linked to Resistance (http://www.resistance.com/)


These are some of the billion essays/letters found on their 'about us' page.









Aryan Nation: http://www.aryan-nations.org/index.html
Insignia: the swastika
Their goal: to teach America of their wrongdoings. Segregation is peace.
Motto: "Those who want to live, let them fight, and those who do not want to fight
in this world of eternal struggle do not deserve to live." -Adolf Hitler
Favorite Phrase to yell: "WHITE POWER!!"
"Tolerance means 'evil.'"





Quotes from the website:

""HOLOCAUST" WAS A FRAUD!
RECENTLY RELEASED RECORDS, SEALED FOR YEARS, SHOW "CONCENTRATION CAMP" DEATH TOTALS OF ONLY 271,301 SIX MILLION JEWS DID NOT DIE; THE WHOLE CLAIM WAS A COMPLETE FABRICATION"

"There never was a holocaust I wish there were but unfortunately it's nothing but another jewish fable, a holohoax as we call it, used to extort money out of countries, companies and anyone who will listen to the poor crying jews! Someday the jews will be exposed to the world as the lying, traitorous bastards they really are and it will lead to their extermination. Till then we'll just continue to target the Allen Berg type kike and shut their big mouths, permanently! Never forget, "Violence Solves Everything!""

"End hate: Nuke Israelis"



The first statement seen on the web-page, written by someone who clearly didn't pay attention in English class, is as such:
"Most come to this website whenever anything is aired on the jewtube concerning Aryans Nations, the Aryan Brotherhood or White supremacy in general. Most are nothing more than sheeple that come to entertain themselves, finding nothing that they can grasp and adsorb as truth. Many more come to scorn and ridicule us, threaten us (always anonymously of course) cuss us out with hate via snail and e-mail; still others are claiming to be seeking information for some mandatory high school project or working on dissertations for their Jew, liberal, Communist run college education.

Over the years I have talked and corresponded with all kinds from all walks of life. I have always has a policy to treat others as I expect to be treated. You may ask who have I had the most problems with over the years? Blacks, Jews, Asians? No! Stupid, ignorant, backwards, White idiots! The vast majority of our once great race is totally WORTHLESS! They have no pride in themselves, their racial purity as Aryans, in any of our great racial accomplishments, nor in the fact of their White heritage being kept pure through the practice of racial separation by their ancestors.

It is these White wastes of human flesh that I long to see SLAUGHTERED by our enemies!

Their heads severed from their worthless torsos, as what has been transpiring along our Mexican border as of late, and displayed on pikes! May these traitorous, White, Jew worshiping, worthless scum be mutilated and devoured by the minions of non-White hoards who are being allowed to enter our nation unabated by the ruling Zionist pigs.

We ARE here for the sake of those whom have come to the conclusion that something is wrong, very wrong in our country and all formally White nations around the world. We ARE here to educate those of what we have found, over the course of decades, via many kinsman's insight. We ARE here to see to it that this information is made available to all whom will take the time to search us out and listen. We are NOT here to try and save our entire race, for the vast majority of our race deserve nothing less than a horrible death at the hands of our enemies!

It is to YOU Kinsman, those that have the ears to hear and the eyes to see, that I have dedicated more than thirty years of my life reaching out to in Aryan comradeship.

For Faith, Folk & Family, Director Kreis"



"Is it OK to listen to music by Blacks?

What about a really new popular movie with a Emmy award winning Black actor?

Is it OK for my children to play with their Black, Mexican or other non-White school friends?

The list of what "ifs" goes on and on my Aryan kindred.

It's like this TAKE A STAND for what you believe in, or claim to believe in. Because of our sitting on or asses, to lazy to speak out and be heard, for what ever reason or excuse you may want to use, we, Whites have allowed a mud to be elected president of our nation, our home, our land. It started many years ago in our schools, where our children have been brain washed by their teachers. We have in-trusted their education to these White tree hugging politically correct liberal nigger/queer lovers. When the children get home after a full day of this indoctrination, they immediately set in front of the Jewtube (TV), which only reinforces what they're being taught in school.

Now it's not only the liberal nigger lovers to blame, a lot of the blame we must put on ourselves. I'm sure you've heard the saying "sin is only pleasurable for the season" eventually there is a price to pay. We who love our sin and don't want to pay the price, look to others for approval for our actions. We ask for exceptions ( compromises ) to how a Aryan should live, we want to have one foot in the world, and the other foot as an Aryan. I'm sorry people but you all know the correct answer to your questions/actions. Don't come here and expect myself or any other 100% True Aryan to tell you that it's OK to make exceptions or compromise to what we stand for or believe in. Look where it has gotten us, enough is enough ! Either shit or get off the pot, "no fence riders" this is not a club!

I make no apologies if I have offended anyone, if you can't stand the heat get out of the kitchen. "

Finally

Finally. FINALLY.
I get it.

I miss the west. HARDCORE.
I know, I know.
I was SO EXCITED to come back to the East and I sound like I can't make up my mind.
But I couldn't.
But, now I know.
I like the new beginnings.
I came home to people expecting me the way I was, and I feel myself melding back to that person.
Out there, I MADE who I was.
Here, well, I came home and I got twelve ear fulls of gossip and rumors.

I miss the sun, the heat, the wind, and the lack of bugs.

I thought I knew what I wanted.


Rant:
When I first started wanting to come home, it was because I associated home with safety, and at the time I didn't feel safe. And, I wanted to see my best friend again. But, I've come to realize things. Yes, I would much rather be around my parents some times and I did miss them sometimes, but I much rather be on my own. I like being away from my parents... a LOT. It's been 2 weeks almost, and I'm already annoyed by both my parents and how I am around them. My parents can be HIGHLY judgmental and I am too when I live with them. It kinda just seeps into my being. But when I live by myself, I wasn't as judgmental. My dad will still cuss around me. My mom and I will bicker about stupid things already. My parents will call over a dozen times between noon and 6 pm. They expect me to make dinner every night now, and to do things that they don't ask me to do. I don't know what they want. Good gosh. Tonight, they asked me to make dinner, so I started to scoop watermelon. Then mom called and said that we'll just have soup and sandwiches so I don't need to make dinner. They get home and see the watermelon rind on the counter and my mom assumes I ate half a watermelon so she gets upset. And while it is fully within my capability to eat tons of fruit without noticing, I didn't eat this half watermelon, so I said, "no, I actually scooped it out and put it in the fridge." To which she responded that she asked me not to. So I said that I got to it before she told me not to, and I added jokingly, "gosh, next time I won't do what you ask me to do." My father thinks it's his time to step in, so he yells at me for having an attitude. My defense is that mom and I were not having a serious discussion and were joking around. He then yells at me some more about my tone or something. At this point I don't even want dinner, but if I even SUGGEST that I don't want to eat with them, I know I'll get more of my father telling me how I have one hell of an attitude. So instead I storm around the house cleaning up my crap until I am summoned for dinner. Suddenly, my father's disposition is completely 180 and he now has jokes. All the while I'm wondering how I'm going to survive another 8 or so months when I'm having issues with week two.


So, when I get home, I'm going to try and get as many jobs as I can. This will get me out of the house more and I'm REALLY hoping for night time jobs so that I won't be home when they are. Rawr. But then I'm sure the argument will switch to phone arguments about how I'm never home. Catch 22.

Note

Don't blog when tired and frustrated.

Of course everything is fine. My teacher was very understanding.

Why this week? [[huge rant]]

I'm so bloody frustrated. It's like, all this semester it's a cakewalk and midterms come and it's not hard at all, but then, this last week and a half, it's like, OH by the way, this assignment is going to be a lot more in depth than the last one that was just like it, or, OH we're going to make it so that you can't access the internet where ALL OF YOUR ASSIGNMENTS ARE for 2 days. Did we say 2? We meant 5. So now teachers feeling the heat of the deadline say, OH it isn't your fault that the internet was down, we totally understand. So can you do the assignments that you had to do last week by 10pm tonight? Yes all of them, don't be silly. Your other teacher wants you to do the same? Well, great minds think alike! By the way, your group presentation tomorrow needs to be 15 minutes long.

I kind of wish I had a longer semester.
I go to school where the semester is only 12 weeks long.
It feels like 12 days.
Most schools are 16 weeks long.
What is 4 weeks?
Here is what 4 weeks are.
Take your 4 extra weeks and shove them somewhere back into 12 weeks. Blend well!
I have to do the same amount of work that any other college student does, I just have less time to do it. My 2 credit classes are more demanding than my 3 credit classes. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE TO YOU?
Allegedly, a 2 credit class demands 4 hours of homework a week. However, I usually end up doing 8 hours of homework for 2 of my 2credit classes.
If I get a poor grade, I'm just going to take it again.
Yeah, it's a waste of time, but hey, I'm going to be staying year round here and doing 3 semesters and a block period. That is a lot of time. That is kind of a lot of money... but I will have to figure it out... or just get married.
There isn't anything I really want to do.
I don't want to study anything in particular.
I don't want any particular kind of job.
I want to read good books, raise good children and have an amazing husband whom I would love and I want him to have a good job. Is that a huge problem? I hate grades because if I don't do well, then wow, I feel so stupid, but the thing is, is that I know I'm not. I just suck at HUGE LENGTHY assignments that take up HOURS of my time. I am average when it comes to tests, but the more questions you stick on a test, the worse I'm going to do.
I feel like I'm not designed for your typical school system.
I don't learn when I have hours of homework.
I don't learn by reading 100 pages of literary analysis notes.
I learn when I try to do those things but then go to class and you talk about them.
I can't just read some huge in depth reading and then analyze what an insect symbolized when it stung a sinner in Dante's version of Hell. Maybe YOU can, but I can't.

Sad thing is, I'm only taking 13 credits.

I hope as I get more into my major things even out a little bit.
[English education and theatre minor]

I like reading.
I like writing.
I don't like being told what to read and how to analyze it.
I don't like being told "WRITE EXACTLY THIS"

This I promise though:
This last week is going to kill my grades because of stress, classes that shouldn't exist and WON'T exist after this week, excessive readings, lengthy papers and huge presentations along with numerous group meetings and too many tests. But I also promise this: I can't let it happen next time. . . and I need my ultimate motivator to help me. I miss you Becca. ='[

Sometimes friends, true friends, tell you what you don't want to hear
but it is exactly what you need to hear.

Memories

I know you tried
I know you're cursed
I know your best was still your worst
When Hollywood was calling out your name:

Saint Augustine.

[Band of Horses]
Summer of '06

This is the gray liberal side of me.

I had a friend ask me about gender and gender roles and so we had this conversation and though none of you know him, I deleted his name. We shall call him "A" haha. Enjoy my insights and his insights on "gender" vs "sex." =]

BTW, he's pretty cute and a non-conformist Mormon. C'est amour! ;]





3:07 AM me: Gender, eh?
A: lol yeah :) it's my thing :)
me: Haha. What do you consider gender to be? What defines a man and what defines a woman?
3:08 AM A: u asking me? I asked first :) hehe
me: Haha. well, I just wanted to know where you stand on the concept.
3:10 AM A: i'd like to hear your thoughts before i explain mine. let's just say i have a problem with what they teach in psychology books.
me: HAHA. I bet.
A: but i really like to hear what other people think
i see truth and insight from other's ideas
me: Okay. So, I believe that at birth we are defined as with a sex, male or female, but in our lives we develop into a GENDER. Very different from someone's sex.
3:11 AM Some of us define our gender as our sex
some of us feel as though we identify more with another sex/gender.
in foreign countries there are up to 5 genders.
some alter their bodies to coincide with teh gender they identify with.
3:12 AM i myself don't completely identify as a female
it's kinda odd
yah, but it's true.
A: not odd to me
me: My ex girlfriend doesn't care what pronoun you associate with her.
I once introduced her as my boyfriend
A: :)
me: and she was not offended even though she had the junk of a female.
3:13 AM then i have many gay boy friends who will one day dress like a rugged guy and the next will go out with shaved legs and a skirt.
I believe gender is where you find full comfort in yourself.
I've just developed a strange liking of pink as a stereotypical girl would.
haha.
A: ha :D
3:14 AM it's not a bad color
me: . . . what GENDER are you? :P
just kiddingggg
A: hahaha
me: but yah, that is it in a nutshell.
A: that's cool :) thanks for sharing! I really love non-conformists, lol
me: hahahaha.
3:16 AM A: i've watched a lot of documentaries on transgendered identified individuals, and I've always been real interested in the social construct of gender.
do you want to know what i think?
3:17 AM me: of course. =] I love non-conformists. ;]
A: haha
3:20 AM well, I think that biologically male males and biologically female females are determined thusly. what I find interesting is those who feel incomplete in their sex/gender because of the social ideals that define what is male and what is female. Personality traits and gender roles for instance, I believe, have nothing to do with a persons sex. And that a boy shaving his legs and wearing a dress is completely masculine. Really... who is to say it is unmanly to do so?
3:21 AM I see harm in defining gender, because it will cause an identity crisis in those who feel they don't fit the confines of definition set my society
me: UM CHYEAH.
lol
A: lol
3:23 AM so, I could go on forever, lol. but that' basically it. I think that whatever traits a male has are masculine traits... and that maybe traits and personality shouldn't be defined by gender... though this has been the case throughout history and across cultures... as you mentioned
and same for females... that a biological female is completely feminine... because of that.
but it doesn't mean you have to fit the molds set by society
3:24 AM me: ugh. society does suck. haha. but I agree. femininity should have nothing to do with the little black dress and elegant hair.
A: right?
3:25 AM me: and masculinity shouldn't have to do with how many hours a day a guy is at the gym..
3:27 AM A: i always felt inferior/incomplete because i didn't fit the mold. I think this is why I relate to those with so called gender identity disorder... seriously, how do these five year olds believe they are the opposite gender just because of their likes and dislikes? because it is being beat into their brains that boys do this... and girls do that...
if those parameters weren't there... and if ones gender wasn't defined by personality and roles, than they wouldn't have to feel they are incomplete in any way
3:28 AM me: precisely. I like the way you think. :] I utterly hate black and white, and gender has a million miles of gray.
3:29 AM A: :D because people are a million shades of grey! there's no use trying to define us and set us into little boxes, because the cool (us) ones will refuse.
lol
me: LOL. legit. so true.
3:30 AM I have an article saved on my computer about the fifth gender if you're interested in it... i did a research paper on homosexuals last semester. hahaha
A: awesome! i'd love to read it! I did a research paper of gender roles last year, too. lol
3:31 AM me: o this is definitely up yer alley then. haha. I actually have the link.
http://insideindonesia.org/content/view/484/29/
indonesia is where all the gender roles are hoppin.
3:32 AM A: haha apparently
me: myes.
3:33 AM A: there's a group of men in tonga that are raised as girls.... usually if a family has only boys the mother will take one of the younger ones and raise them as women to do all the household chores and stuff.. interesting huh?
they're called fakaleke's
3:35 AM me: That is really something. It isn't degrading or anything either, it's just like assigned roles for the home. I dunno. It's different. I mean, think about if it had been reversed. anything feminine were masculine. say the guy was the home-maker and teh woman had to provide for the family. it's just a definition.
A: precisely
3:36 AM http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30327010&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=1326150033&id=1326150033#/photo.php?pid=30078102&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=1326150033&id=1484757486 .... are you TRYING to reinforce gender stereotypes?!?! LOL
3:37 AM me: I was forced into it at a birthday party. any other day you'd see me with a freeze pop stained shirt, a shovel, my boy-hair cut and my tonka truck. :P
you just caught me on an off day. haha
A: hahaha :) i love it.
3:38 AM me: My daddy told me that I would make a great flapper. hahaha
A: Well, Cat... I knew I liked you for a reason... haha. :) Thanks for the insights and conversation! I worked for 11 hours today, so I should get some sleep, lol.
3:39 AM hahah you would!
me: HAHA. I would have been dead asleep by now were I in your predicament. Well, get some good rest young suh. And I'm sure that we will talk again sometime in teh future. =] gnite.
A: hehe for sure.. night :D

Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder, what is the use in being responsible and mature if no one else wants to board that train?
I'm not saying I'm the most responsible and mature person out there, obviously, but I do get quite annoyed when people decide that they don't need to even try to be responsible or mature.
If you say you're going to do something, DO IT.
If you know you're about to be in an environment where money is going to be highly mandatory, get a job.
Don't mooch. That is such a pet peeve all of a sudden.
I see mooching everywhere.
I did that in high-school.


Bahh.

Sometimes I feel like if I'm not directly involved in the lives of others, my friends, I don't really know what is going on with them. Like, long distance? It is so easy to lie and pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

I miss home, yes, but some days I really just want to settle out here and leave old ties behind. I'm beginning to notice how some of my old ties feel like obligations instead of actual wants. I dunno. I doubt I could just leave New England behind. I don't want to be just another Mormon living in Mormon Central. Ya digg?

I keep having dreams about marriage. I don't know if the Lord is trying to hint at something, but these dreams haven't been like others. [lolz@BexWhoKnowsWhatI'mTalkingAbout] In old dreams about marriage, everything felt uncomfortable. I was in some huge dress with a ton of people staring at me and it was all stiff and formal and foreboding. "Till death do you part." And it was the same with the faceless man at the altar with me. It felt like .. uncomfortable.. again. Like it wasn't right. But lately, I've been having these dreams where I have been in a smaller, lighter room in a dress that was modest and not completely uncomfortable. There would be a small gathering of people, but not many at all. And the man? He and I were so unified in everything. We were like one. It didn't feel comfortable, necessarily, because at first marriage is like trying to make two units one. However, it was uplifting, beautiful, and I felt at peace with it. And now I feel, more than ever, that I want to find that feeling. I feel like I could be with a guy for eternity and love every minute of it. I want that.

one five two

One Hundred Fifty Two

If I had not joined the church, I would not know 152 people. . .
And that is just on Facebook.
Yeah, I counted. I'm not tired and I'm bored.
Hehe.

<3

To my dear Mormons:

OH and this is for grins and giggles:

And someone tell me

WHY CAN'T I COMMENT ON ANYONE'S BLOGS? I've been trying so hard.

I'mma go cry myself to sleep now.

Tall, blonde and athletic

Why does this guy go for the same girl time after time?
Why do so many go for this kind of girl?
I wish I were born in the age of Rome when women were portrayed as not stick thin, round faces, brown eyes and brown hair and BEAUTIFUL.
Gosh, those were the days.

Why does he have to be so amazing and so "higher than thou?"
Why does he have to just bring a smile to my face?
Why do I have this feeling like I need to like any girl he considers dating to see if she is good enough for him?
Why does he describe the perfect girl as tall, blonde and athletic?
When was perfection based on looks?
Sure, after that he adds in the whole, "and wicked spiritually righteous."
BUT STILL.

This isn't about me saying that I wish I were with him, just, I wish his standards weren't so saturated with how a girl looks. I mean, maybe he does.. but the thing is that most bothers me is that she MUST be athletic.

Ms. Bingley, sister to Mr. Bingley, friend to Mr. Darcy described how perfect a woman must be in all the fine arts and anything less was mediocre. Sometimes in this culture, I feel the same way.

I don't dance ballroom or western.
I don't sew.
I don't go to the temple weekly. [But would like to start on that goal.]
I don't know anything about kids.
I don't ... know.

[/rant]

I love

my friends.
honesty.
non-prideful-ness.
my friends.
being a non-normal Mormon. [oxymoron, eh?]
being drama free.
having an answer because of religion.
wearing a Warped Tour hoodie, an Underoath shirt, black skirt and black leggings.
forgiveness.
moving on.
using more mature language than constant swearing.
proper grammar.
my iPod.
memories.
knowing what good came from today's 2yr mark.
my roommates.
pretending my English homework doesn't exist.
no-bake cookies.
eating Spanish food and Italian food in one sitting.
babysitting.
sleeping.
asking questions.
that in thirty eight days I get to see my family.
having goals.
being a young adult.
my friends.
A Day to Remember.
Alesana.
Skylit Drive.
Parkway Drive.
Chiodos. :P
Techno.
Music en general.
Wal Mart.
germ-x. Hahahahaha.
being excruciatingly early.
spell-check.
coupons.
Pasta-Roni.
reading.
juice.
sunlight.
rain.
thunder.
hail.
emails.
people who have the same struggles that I have.
a far-see. HAHA.
Nathan Samuel.
printing presses.
wi-fi.
black ink pens.
big purses.
sleeping.
skirts... with leggings. Haha.
not conforming to the professional style.
not knowing what I want to do with my life.
kids.
literate people.
language to be precise. (Then I think you mean "precise language.")
quoting movies that most people don't know about.
Ellen Page.
when people squirm during pg-13 movies.
making lists.
ending blogs.

Why is it?

People think I'm prideful and judgmental just because I'm Mormon.

I state that someone was basically walking around naked because her skirt BARELY covered her butt, and I get the response, "it's because she isn't Mormon."

NO. For the love of all that is sane, it's not that. IT'S BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T RESPECT HERSELF. It has NOTHING to do with religion.

UGH.