182.

When you were at school and I was back east,
and when I was working in outside garden,
while the sun began to set,
I would watch it slip beneath the hills,
I would just be staring off into the west,
cause that's where you were
and that's where you are.
I couldn't wait to be there with you,
and now that I'm here with you now,
I'm heading off into the sunrise,
watching the girl go off into the sunset.
Eyes to sunrise or set to the west?

181. Stream of consciousness post.

I  can't believe I have so many posts. Not as many as in my Tumblr, but my Tumblr is like, stream of consciousness.
I am at a sort of cross roads right now where I don't know exactly which way is up.
I am transferring back home for possibly the Fall. Hopefully by then I'll have transferred.  And by transferring for the fall, I mean, I'm coming home right now and hoping to be in school by the fall.
This place just isn't me. No offense to anyone. I can't put it in words how this place hurts me.
I have great friends here and a few good ones. Ya'll know who you are, and I'm so grateful for the few precious people here that I will miss terribly.
But I miss my home, my friends, my family, my kitty, my trees, landscape, ocean, rivers, rain, humidity, garage space, job, and the lack of judging or dirty looks.
Dirty looks?
Yeah, I collect them here.
The, "Oh my heck, her hair looks ridiculous!" or the
"Seriously, is she going to wear that ?"
Or, my favorite look, "Oh gosh, she is... fat... she should like, work out or something."
Ok, ok, not everyone is like that here, but have you tried to be obese and date a guy in Rexburg?
They're all so skinny and some gel their hair and most all worry about their physique wayy too much.
And yes, I can tell what you're thinking when you give me a dirty look. I've seen most all of your dirty looks.
I  can figure it out. Thankss.
I miss you and love you, too.
If there is something I have figured out, it is that I am who I am and I will be who I was made to be. For almost three years I have listened to my head and not my heart, which is why I have ended up in so much trouble in a few err, areas. I was trying to prove to myself that I could be who I 'ought' to be. But who I 'ought' to be is not who I am. Boundaries and rules are good for some people who need them, but I know not to do wrong, be a bad person or anything of that sort. I have a HUGE conscious which is why it's taken me three years to get to this point in my life. Some will say I am less blessed for this decision, but that is what you think. You don't know me or my situation. In fact, this situation may just be the best blessing yet. I feel as though I can go and be what I want to be in life, career wise. I'm not terrified of failing anymore. I've failed already, I know what it feels like and I know I have to work twice as hard to redeem myself. I don't regret a single moment of my life; I have learned so much about me and life and how things work. I have had experiences I never thought I would have and gained knowledge I never knew I would need. Many life lessons have been learned. I hope I don't lose any friendships because I love you very much. Oh so very very much. Especially Asher. You have been my rock of sanity this last year or so. I just want you to understand that I don't feel like myself. I feel fake. I don't like that feeling at all. I know that this course of life that I chose for the last three years is perfect for some and I know that you feel that it leads to redemption in the post-mortal existence, and I hope that that is true for ya'll. But I know that I have to be happy with my mortal life and every decision that I make in this life. If that doesn't lead to a happy post-existence, then I at least had a happy existence, and for that much I'll be grateful.
I can't wait to see you again.
I'm sorry if I have disappointed anyone, that was never my intention. I am so blessed to have been able to know all of you. I hope that you can be understanding of my decision and not look down upon me for my choices. It's nothing permanent -- not a whole lot is in my life. But it's a chance to take a break, regather my thoughts, feelings, emotions and see where I feel best about myself in my life.

180.

But someone,
They could have warned you
When things start splitting at the seams and now
The whole thing's tumbling down
Things start splitting at the seams and now
If things start splitting at the seams and now,
It's tumbling down
Hard.

Things are at an all time confusing point in my life.

I was academically suspended from school which means get out of school. Now.

I'm going home. I'm not sure where I'm going to live right now,

cause I'm kicked out of my apartment. 

you know, the one I paid for?

I need to go home but can't talk to my parents about it. 

They're on a cruise in Bermuda.

 I don't know if I'm going to stick with anything.

179.

Where is Virgil? The man who led Dante out of Hell?
I need a Virgil. I don't know how much more I can take.


I'll be back in two and a half years, I promise you.


Sometimes it's hard to hang out as friends because every time I look in your eyes, I see the way things could have been.




I'll be back. Born and raised New England girl. I can't stay away.

178.

One of my favoritest songs everrrr.
St. Augustine by Band of Horses:

Silver sands of Saint Augustine
Fire in the ground
Between my bitter teeth
We're dancing on the poison in their graves
At the end of the night
We'd all seen better days

I know you tried
I know you're cursed
I know your best was still your worst
When Hollywood was calling out your name
Saint Augustine

If I stayed behind
Would you let your hair grow?
I will forget
The favors that you owe
I'm dreaming of car wrecks and thunderstorms so bright
Let's bury ourselves
And go haunt someone tonight

I know you tried
I know you're cursed
I know your best was still your worst
When Hollywood was calling out your name
Saint Augustine
Saint Augustine
Saint Augustine
Saint Augustine 

177.

Don't let me fool you;
I'm a bigger liar than you could ever conceive.
Ask your duet singer:
He knows my true colors;

176.

Sometimes I just wish that Jenan and I were closer than we previously were.
I'm 99% sure she knows exactly what I'm going through.
Kudos, cause this sucks.

175.

Save the Elephants!
The UN is meeting tomorrow to consider letting people hunt elephants to harvest their ivory.
Not. Cool.
Sign the petition to stop this from happening:
http://www.avaaz.org/en/no_more_bloody_ivory_gg/?rc=fbp&pv=1

174.

I DO have facebook you silly stalkers who want to know everything about me when I go to Idaho.

ACTUALLY.

I'll tell you everything about my life in Idaho right here, right now.




. . . . . . . I'M BOREEEEEEEEEED.



That is it- my life in Idaho.

173.

I have had this blog since I started looking into the church. That is a long commitment for me. (The online blog part.) That never happens. I had livejournals for some time in my life. Each one lasted about 4 months, then I'd get a new one. So, don't be surprised if I just stop posting entirely on this soon.

Sometimes you just gotta move on.

172.

Hrm. I guess people (Bex) like it when I update this. Lo and behold if SHE will do the same.

When I'm told not to do something, I want to do it ten thousand fold more. Ever since Paul's talk at church about choosing friends wisely, I've been really thinking about it. It is stated that we, members of the LDS church, ought to choose our friends wisely. Our friends greatly impact our way of thought and our actions. This isn't just a view of the church, obviously. Everyone uses the excuse, "Oh, he/she fell into the wrong crowd." John Bytheway, a comedian of the LDS church, uses the analogy of a car: where are you going and who are you going with? If someone drinks excessively, it is best to not hang around them for fear of pressures, desires and temptations. Or so it is said. Here is a quote from the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet distributed by the church, "Choose your friends carefully. They will greatly influence how you think and act, and even help determine the person you will become. Choose friends who share your values so you can strengthen and encourage each other in living high standards. A true friend will encourage you to be your best self" (pg 12). While I agree that it is good to have friends who uplift you, support you and encourage you, I still disagree. I have a friend from work who drinks, smokes both cigarettes and pot, and lives with her boyfriend. She invited me to hang out with her and some of her friends one night. I agreed. While I was afraid that it would be awkward to be the only sober one there I also thought that it would sure be amusing as heck. Not going to lie, drunk people amuse the heck outta me. However, I was also afraid that being around alcohol would be a huge temptation for me; I come from an alcoholic family. I've had plenty of alcohol before. I can tell you which wines I prefer, vodka is DISGUSTING alone but mixed with things it is amazing and that I love Bacardi's flavored rums. But, nonetheless, I decided to go hang out with this friend. I had an amazing time. I learned to play beruit, watched Zombieland and more importantly, didn't compromise my standards. Was I tempted? Oh, heck yes. But I have control and I have friends who won't sit there and say, "Oh, just ONE School-bus won't kill ya!" I told them that I don't drink, I informed everyone there that I don't and they said, "Okay." It's that easy. People DO respect opinions and standards. I don't have to sit there and say, "Oh, is your boyfriend going to drink that beer while we watch this movie? Yeah? Oh, I gotta go then. I can't hang out with you." There IS a gray area.

Bex. I cleaned my floor for you. Stop being sick. I misss youuuuu. =[
AND WE NEED TO FIGURE OUT HOUSING.
So, go on AIM tomorrow evening.
Should'a facebooked you I guess.

So, SHAWN ROCKS MY SOCKS.
He loves heavy-metal.
AND HE KNOWS WHO DREAM EVIL IS.
And he is straight-edge.
And is going to school for forensic sciences.
Epitome of amazingness right there.

It makes me sad to talk about amazing people who live in New Hampshire.
I'm going to be leaving soon. =/

I went shopping today.
I wanted to be super annoying so I complained in Rue 21 that there is no Rue 21 in Idaho.
Or Utah. (There's actually like.... ten stores in Utah... and some are near the Idaho border haha!)
Or Wyoming. (There is 1 near the Colorado border...)
Or Montana.
(There really aren't any in Montana or Idaho.)
But really, I wanted to justify buying three bottles of their perfume. (I was stocking up.)
I then gave her my Rexburg zip code. "Oh, you really are way out there, aren't you?"
Haha. She didn't believe me? :P

Anywayyyy. I should go to bed. I have church in the morninggg.

171. Dear Jasmine

Re-evaluate the phrase "cold as hell."
BAHA. <3

170.

Ughhh Music Theory class. MUST you require me to memorize vocabulary that is extremely confusing? Classes from home has its advantages such as, I don't have to be surrounded by the academic environment which can be really stressful and distracting. However, since I'm not surrounded by people who are focused on schoolwork... I completely forget that it exists.

So, there are some concerns about my major... like, if I did geology, I have to take calculus and physics and chemistry... which frightens me more than a bunch of narrow minded English majors. Annnnnd, aside from geology, BYUI doesn't really have anything else I'd be interested in. Maybe I could do photography, but where would I go with that? IF I were to do photography, I would want to take journalism and geology with it. With that I could write articles and take my own photos for like, National Geographic (or something akin to it.) Really, no matter what I major in, there are going to be classes I will NOT like.

169.

Why do homework when I can catch up on all the episodes of Criminal Minds, Bones, NCIS and Secret Life all day?
Today was an amazing lazy day.
I SHOULD get ahead on homework since I won't have all this free time soon. It WILL get busy at work soon, and when it gets busy, my third class will start... so I should REALLY not dally...

Oh, Bones is on... There's always tomorrow.

168.

Night-after-shopping-at-Wal*Mart-regime:
1. Try new facewash
2. While nose is wet, apply black-head remover peel off strip thing from hell
3. While peel off nose thing from hell is on nose, apply whitening strips.
4. Wait another 5 minutes
5. Peel off nose thing from hell. CRY.
6. Apply upper lip wax cause, we all get it, now get rid of it.
7. While upper lip wax is doing it's work, tweeze eye-brows
8. Wait another 20 minutes
9. Remove whitening strips from mouth. Grimace at the gel left behind in mouth.
10. Apply calming tea tree toner (from Lush) to red areas of face. (Don't use too soon after tweezing or nose thing from hell, because despite the fact that it's calming, it hurts on open pores.)
11. Apply moisturizing lotion made from donkey testicles (reference to Mamma Mia!, the movie... not actually made out of donkey testicles... I think)
12. Brush teeth
13. Floss

This doesn't happen all the time... I'm just stalling. =]
Basic Music Theory... Ughh. HAHA.

167.

I would put this on Facebook, but people there get fired up and pissed off when people state their opinions and said opinions aren't "correct."

I LOVE PRESIDENT OBAMA.

166.

So tonight I decided to hang out with some of my co-workers. I expected it to be SUUUUPER awkward cause they were bringing their boyfriends and errr, I was the only single one there, but it was fantastic.We went bowling! And I'm not as terrible as I thought I would be. I'm not good, either. Haha. It was just really awesome to not be treated like the odd one out... the 9th wheel or anything. Yeah, they'd all be smoochie and sitting on laps, but hey, I got to sit on laps too. :P HAH! I just appreciate them so much more now. And it was nice to NOT just go home and watch movies online till dawn on a Friday night.

165.

My bedroom is being taken over...
by clothing.
Oh hello old habit of mine!
Yes, it's a problem.
But I love it.

164.

I love my best friend.

I promise, I won't doubt you for a second.

<3

"She's the best friend I ever had."

-Fried Green Tomatoes-

163.

Today was amazing.
I slept for a billion hours, read half a book then went to work.
I accidentally hung up on a customer. Ooops.
Then I went to lumber, my favorite part of the store. Lumber is like, a family. Well, while I was down there, I was doing some LLCs (Lowe's Learning Center) stuff to keep me busy at the Commercial desk which is about 15 feet away from my normal register. This man walked in who appeared to be afraid of showers and combs. I decided not to judge and said hello to which he says hi, ignores me, then comes back to the register to talk to me. OH MY LANTA. He told me about how he was sleeping in his truck in Alton when he felt the ground shake underneath him. He talked to someone in the area and they said that a fault line runs directly under the town of Alton. Well, I can tell you that there have been no recent earthquakes in the Alton bay area. The last earthquake in New Hampshire was on the second of January in the south west corner of New Hampshire. It registered at a 1. He then asked me if I knew why the earthquakes in both Alton and Haiti happened. I was about to launch into how Haiti was a strike-slip fault line, how earthquakes there are pretty common, however, not of this magnitude, and that, although NH isn't on a fault line, nor does it have any faults in it, the earth is always in motion and the ground does move. Before I could even start, he said,
"Planet X."
*Blink, blink, stare*
"What?" I ask. He continues, explaining that the extra-terrestrials from planet X are responsible for our tectonic demise.
"Do you know how the moon was created?" He asks.
"Yes," I reply.
"So you know that it was engineered?"
"Engineered?" 'WTF?!?' goes through my mind. He then launched into how there were too many mathematical coincidences for the moon to be a coincidence. Something about how the moon does something in 366 days and so does the sun and how the sun is 400x the size of the earth and the earth is 400x the size of the moon or something. I have no idea. I stopped listening and was trying to figure out ways to get out of the conversation without being rude.
"Yeah, forget all that bogus about how there was some cosmic collision and the moon was formed from that rubbish. It was CRAFTED. The material for the moon was taken from the ocean. They're in the process of proving that."
I wonder who "they" is referring to... certainly not NASA.
"And when they landed on the moon, they found out that it's hollow. Back in the sixties, when they landed on the moon, it rang like a bell cause it's hollow. Only, the government has been keeping that from the public!"
Then how the hell do you know this? Somehow he switched the subject on me to the book of Genesis.
"The flood really happened in Genesis. Only, it wasn't Noah. It was Gilgamesh. You know where Gilgamesh is from?"
I respond, "The Epic of Gilgamesh was written by the Sumerians."
"The who??"
"Sumerians."
"No, it was the Mycenaeans"
Say whatt? No, bud, no. It was DEFF the Sumerians. So I explained Sumer to him, which apparently Sumer made sense not Sumerians... anyway, I was hoping that since I shut him down he'd make his point and leave. WRONG.
"So, Gilgamesh was Noah..."
"No, it wasn't Gilgamesh."
"YOU KNOW ABOUT THE EPIC OF GILGAMESH??" He leaned in closer to me. Hello, personal hygiene?? No, none? Didn't think so.
Apparently my knowledge of Sumer wasn't enough to show him that I know what I'm talking about.
"Yeah, it was actually Utnapishtim that was your Noah."
"Okay, well, that's the true account; it was around THOUSANDS of years before Genesis. And all that crap about God this, God that, it's fake, he's actually called Elohim."
That sentence didn't even make sense. I look over at my register (since I'm still at the commercial sales desk) and see Rob talking to Marilee with their backs to me. Then the commercial sales phone rings. I call over to Marilee who works Commercial Sales. Rob says, "Just answer it." The extraterrestrial man is still talking about Jesus and Noah. (By the way, apparently, according to him, the cross isn't a sign of Jesus, it's a sign derived from the planet that goes around the sun perpendicular to our orbit which makes a cross...)
"Commercial Sales, this is Cat."
"Cat, it's Marilee. Do you need to be saved from that ... man?"
"YES."
"Okay, repeat after me, 'I'll be right over to help' okay?"
"I'll be right over to help. Okay, thanks, buh-bye."
I hang up.
THE MAN KEEPS TALKING AFTER HEARING ME SAY THAT. Rob and Marilee are like, WTF, so they come over. Marilee pretends that she is the cashier and goes, "Hey, did they call you?"
"Yeah, I gotta go help Rob in Lumber." I turn to the man and say, "Well, back to work. Have a good day!"
Rob and I walk off into lumber, and Rob, the fine actor that he is, starts talking about how we have to move some top stock, rearrange the pine aisle and fix the OSB stack. Marilee called Rob to confirm that the guy was gone.
I told them what he was talking about and for the rest of the night, Rob blamed EVERYTHING on aliens.
Anthony and I hung out for a while. I like to talk to him. He is rational and positive. His girlfriend is very lucky to have him. He believes in chivalry and though I'm just some girl he works with, he respects me and treats me like a lady... though I'm far from a lady.
THIS IS MY FAMILY. And when I thought about the fact that I'm leaving my family, I started crying... at work. hahaha. I love them so much and I'll be leaving them in a couple of months. Lowe's has taught me to doubt my customers, in a good way, to prevent shrink. I've learned SO much about random things. I know what sofit is. I know how to mix paint. I know what paint brush you need for what job. I know the difference between different fertilizers. I know the advantages of an infrared grill. I know the difference between different caulking. I know tons about string trimmers, lawn mowers, cultivators. I have also learned that there are good men left in this world. While Devin is not what I'd call dating material, he is still a good guy. He lacks morals, ethics and dreams, but I still appreciate him. Then there are the other men I work with. While there are a couple that are just perverts, the rest are amazing men that I look up to and hope that my future husband can be like. I hope he has Todd's humor, Sean's faithfulness, Ande's positivity, Rob's hard-working persistence, Philip's intelligence and Kollin's quirkiness. I love my job so much. I have the ability to learn and grow there and work with people I love. I'm going to miss them so much.

162.

I recently visited an Eastern sage and asked him, ‘Is it possible to live for ever?’ ‘Certainly,’ he replied, ‘You must undertake to do two things.’ ‘What are they?’ ‘Firstly, you must never again make any false statements.’ ‘That’s simple enough. What is the second thing I must do?’ ‘Every day you must utter the statement ‘I will repeat this statement tomorrow.’ If you follow these instructions faithfully you are certain to live forever.’

– Jacqueline Harman, letter to the Daily Telegraph, Oct. 8, 1985

No, really,

Think about it.

161.

You can bend it and twist it. You can misuse and abuse it. But even God cannot change the Truth. - Michael Levy

160.

"There are no mistakes. The events we bring upon ourselves, no matter how unpleasant, are necessary in order to learn what we need to learn; whatever steps we take, they're necessary to reach the places we've chosen to go."
-Richard Bach



"Your only obligation in any lifetime is to be true to yourself."
-Richard Bach

"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place and it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But, it ain't how hard you hit; it's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward. How much you can take, and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done. Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that!"
- movie quote: "Rocky Balboa"



"Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending."
-Maria Robinson

159.

While I don't want to leave my Lowe's family and friends here,
is it April yet?

I miss that whole "not living at home" experience where I can just, do whatever I want.
Sleep when I want.
Eat when I want.
LISTEN TO MY MUSIC WHENEVER I WANT.

158.

I always feel bad calling out of work.
1. Cause I know it's a huge inconvenience.
2. I always feel like people are going to say, "you're not sick, stop faking it."

So, I always feel like I need to convince people that I am indeed not feeling well, which, retrospectively, makes my claim more conspicuous. Therefore, I usually just go to work sick. Today was a day when I called out. I call out so infrequently, I had NO idea who to talk to. Head cashier? Manager on Duty? So, I told both.

Tums are the bane of man-kind.

157.

I love my Lowe's family and I kind of don't want to lose them.
Ever.
:'(

156.

Sometimes I read through old blog entries as opposed to journal entries. (The blog ones are less depressing.) And, well, lately I've been wondering a few things about myself and what I believe to be true for myself. I've been doing "what if" scenarios for weeks now and have come to no answer. And until I find my answer, I will live my life as I have planned it. Maybe when I find an answer my life will go on just as I have planned it, or it may change drastically. Either way, I know things will be fine. Well, while I was reading through some old posts of mine I found an entry where I put up about 100 different quotes. I LOVE quotes. I love knowing that a sentence or two can change someone's perspective of an issue. Well, as you guys know, I'm dating Devin. Now, it's nothing serious. He's afraid of commitment and I'm leaving in April, so it's rather perfect. We just kind of hang out and enjoy each others company. But, while hanging around him, I realized that I still like his type. "His type" sounds rather categorizing, so let me clarify. I wasn't necessarily a "rebel" in high school, but I didn't like the normal jock boy who had great hair and biceps. I didn't imagine myself with them. I didn't exactly see myself dating anyone in the school, but I did imagine myself with a guy who had strange quirks to him. A guy who had a past, a story. I wanted to be frustrated by him. Kind of like a situation in "Sweet Home Alabama," the movie. I DO like a guy with piercings and tattoos. I can't help it. That doesn't mean that I'm dying to go out and get myself some piercings and tattoos. So, what happens if I, a Latter Day Saint, fall in love with such a man? That is my worry. (I do worry about strange things, haha.) This is where the whole, reading quotes in old journal entries ties in.
"When love comes so strong, there is no right or wrong; your love is your life." -West Side Story

155.

CAT HISTORY WAS MADE TODAY!
I have had my license for THREE AND A HALF YEARS and not once have I been pulled over.
Until today.
Yes, that is right. On 1/14/10 at 22:53, I had blue lights behind me.

It was just an expired license plate.

Actually, I was pretty sure I was gonna be pulled over for it soon. I was pretty sure it was expired.
I was wondering how long I could get away with it.
Kind of like I was also trying to provoke the cops.
I mean, I pretty much have been TERRIFIED of being pulled over.
Well, I broke that fear.
I just wish it had been someone I know.
Oh well.

It was just a warning anyway.

154.

I see people who struggle with their relationships,
the relationships that are supposed to be set in stone.
Tonight, I saw in a Facebook status another person declare the fact that it's over,
and this song popped into my head. I used to listen to this kid all the time.
I was in love with him.
Without further ado - Billy Gilman of the Ocean State.
"What's Forever For?"

I've been looking at people
And how they change with the times
And lately all I've been seeing are people
Throwing love away and losing their minds

Or maybe it's me that's gone crazy
'Cause I can't understand why
All these people keep hurting each other
When good love is so hard to come by

So what's the glory in living
Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore
And if love never lasts forever
Tell me what's forever for

I've been listening to people
And they say love is the key
And it's not my way to let them lead me astray
It's only that I want to believe

But I see love hungry people
Trying their best to survive
While in their hands is a dying romance
And they're not even trying to keep it alive

So what's the glory in living
Doesn't anybody ever stay together anymore
And if love never lasts forever
Tell me what's forever for

And if love never lasts forever
Tell me what's forever for

153.

I'm learning basic music theory because I love music.
Music speaks to me.
The pulse, the beat, the bass, the lyrics.
Tonight's song is called "Water and a Flame," a duet by Daniel Merriweather and Adele.

Seven days has gone so fast
I really thought the pain would pass
It’s been only an hour since I thought of you
cause you’re not answering the phone
Id settle for a busy tone
at least by that I know,
that you’re okay
A girl like you ain’t meant to go away... ohh

[Chorus]
And now you’re gone,
ain’t nothing else I want
And now that it’s over,
there’s nothing else I want
What have I done,
looks I was wrong
is everything really meant to change?
I guess we’re like water and a flame
water and a flame

[Adele]
I’m tired of this empty house
I need a drink to get me out
a couple more till I forget your name
I saw a boy that looked like you
I didn’t quite know what to do
I took a power of will to break my stare
I realized what I wanted wasn’t there

[Chorus]
And now you’re gone,
ain’t nothing else I want
And now that it’s over,
there’s nothing else I want
What have I done,
looks like I was wrong
is everything really meant to change?
I guess we’re like water and a flame
water and a flame

[Middle]

Daniel: If you see me coming
Adele: I look away, I look away
Daniel: And if you’re mind’s made up
Adele: I look away, I will look away
Daniel: If you worry about..
Adele: I’m ok, I’m ok, yes I am
Daniel: All this sorrow and this pain is gonna go away!

[Chorus]
And now you’re gone,
ain’t nothing else I want
And now that it’s over,
there’s nothing else I want
What have I done,
looks I was wrong
is everything really meant to change?
I guess we’re like water and a flame
water and a flame

152.

I don't think a man has ever made me so frustrated.
It's called a cell phone; use it.

151.

I can see your picture and not be sad anymore.

As long as you're happy, I don't care who she is.

Even if she's not me.

I learned that sometimes doing the wrong thing is the right thing to do.

As long as it is the right thing for you.

No matter the consequences.

I also learned that I really can't stand when I send someone a text and he/she doesn't answer.

Today is a "listen to sad Korean Pop Songs" kind of day.

Tae Yang's "Wedding Dress" is definitely high on that list.

Ohh, Tae Yang. <3

Marry me?

Oh baby.

Oh baby.

I want you,

I need you.

;]

150.

Jas inspired me to play the "put the iPod on shuffle and see what plays" game.
1. Muse
2. Johnathan Rhys Meyers (The dad from the movie "August Rush" <3 Babeee)
3.Hollywood Undead
4. Ladyhawke
5. Johnny Cash
6. (I got distracted and missed like 7238975 songs)
7. Enya
8. Guns 'n Roses
9. Cute is What We Aim For
10. Kate Nash

I almost joined a group on Facebook called, "I love when people text me goodnight/good morning" cause, isn't that just the truth.

149.

Devin. Ya'll remember him, right? I'll pretend that you do.
Well, he and I have been flirting ever since I started working at Lowe's. When I started at work, I knew I didn't want to date anyone. I didn't want to play the time game since I know how wrong it can potentially go in the end. I remained so steadfast through 3 months of intensive flirting until the flirting became more than a surface kind of flirting. I surprised him. I surprised him when I knew what BBW meant. He hadn't really had a girl surprise him like that. Maybe he has only dated superficial girls, I don't know, but I guess my random knowledge impressed him. Well, last night, he finally did what I had been expecting him to do for so long. The evening was filled with the normalcy of flirting as per usual. Then he asks what time am I working till? I get out an hour and a half earlier than him. Did I have my lunch yet? Yes. His response was, "I'm taking you out to dinner sometime." Me: "This is a statement and not a question. Did you mean to ask me out for dinner?" Devin: "It's a fact that I'm taking you out. Where would you like to go?" Me: "Well, since you asked and you want to go out, you have to decide on dinner." So, for the rest of the evening, when he would pass by me, he would ask a question that would lead to a better idea of where he could take me for dinner. "Do you have a special diet?" (As in vegetarian, vegan, etc.) "Do you have a boyfriend?" No. "Good, I don't have to worry about getting beat up." He wanted to know when he ought to take me, so during my fifteen minute break I gave him about 4 evenings for which I was available and I gave him my number so that he could call me. Well, I wasn't very strategical with my note. I meant to leave him the note then have him find it after I left therefore forcing him to call me. However, as I stood at Self Check near the break room, I realized that he could hypothetically have a break as well soon. I couldn't leave self check to go into the break room to get it back, nor could I keep him from going into the break room to his locker. As I predicted, he had a break while I was still there. He ducked into the break room while I was with a customer. Pretending I didn't see him, I grabbed some spray cleaner and paper towels and began to clean the water fountains directly outside the break room. From there I watched him go to his locker, grab the note, walk over to the schedules and compare our schedules. He then came out to me and said, "So, how about this Wednesday and next Monday?" Me: "Aren't you getting a little greedy trying to get a second date before we've had a first date?" Devin: "Probably, so how about it?" Me: "You're getting pushy." Devin: "You don't seem to really mind." Me: "What would you suggest we do on this second date?" Devin: "The cliche movie and dinner." I then explained to him that I won't watch a rated R movie, we discussed a little about Mormonism. He suggested the movie Sherlock Holmes to which I agreed. He then started thinking of places we could eat. He mentioned the many steakhouses there. I didn't get too overly excited for that. Olive Garden? Meh. "Well," he said, "what about this buffet place that has Japanese, Chinese . . ." I didn't even let him finish. "You had me at Japanese." He asked if I liked all things Japanese. I specified that I prefer Korean over Japanese, but I still love Japanese. I also included the fact that I'm currently addicted to Korean dramas, both tv shows and movies. This, too, surprised him. "You're very unique; it's adorable."
I'm excited and kind of scared for our dates. I do like him, and that's the problem. I don't want to play the time game. He and I get along very well; we're very similar in some aspects, yet very different in some as well. I don't want to lead him on or anything. Of course I'm over-thinking things way too early since I don't even know where our dates will take us. But, he seems to respect me thus far. I said no to R movies and he is okay with that. I said that I'm not comfortable around people who smoke, do drugs and drink, and he is okay with that too. These aren't huge requests, but they are a little abnormal for this day and age. Yes, he has a tattoo and seven piercings, but I am not going to judge him for that as others do. Beneath the three pounds of metal in his face, he is quite adorable. I just have to encourage him to leave the metal out sometime. :P
Oh, and he did call me last night. He didn't have a reason to. I normally hate talking on the phone, but this time, I didn't seem to mind too much. In fact, I kinda liked it. Here's to a good winter.

148.

So, today (which is now yesterday) was a great day at work. It was a day where I got along with everyone. I was having tons of fun in the lumber department, and I'm not even being facetious. Even though I did have one co-worker go into his personal details about his marital problems and how he hasn't gotten any in like, 3 years and he's been married for 10 years. If he makes one more pass at me though, I swear, I'm going to say, straight up, "Hey, I don't bat for your team." However, I do know how rumours go in that store, and I could say that on a Wednesday morning and before I leave Thursday afternoon, I'm sure I'd have someone come up to me and say, "How can you bat for your own team if you're Mormon?" Yep. I have tested the rumour mill there. I told two people in one day that I was Mormon. Three days later I had people asking me about Mormons and whether or not they celebrate Christmas. So, anyway! Yeah, it was a fabulous day. Most everyone I talked to was hungover, therefore they were all ridiculous and stealing coffee from the Commercial Sales desk. (That coffee is for CUSTOMERS! :P ) I did Lowe's learning modules all day and I could tell you TONS about paint and caulk now. I'm still working on the wood-stain learning module. I'm becoming increasingly tired of cashiering and I just REALLY want to get out on the sales floor. That is my goal for Idaho Falls Lowe's. Biiig goals in my life right now. haha.