Finally

Finally. FINALLY.
I get it.

I miss the west. HARDCORE.
I know, I know.
I was SO EXCITED to come back to the East and I sound like I can't make up my mind.
But I couldn't.
But, now I know.
I like the new beginnings.
I came home to people expecting me the way I was, and I feel myself melding back to that person.
Out there, I MADE who I was.
Here, well, I came home and I got twelve ear fulls of gossip and rumors.

I miss the sun, the heat, the wind, and the lack of bugs.

I thought I knew what I wanted.


Rant:
When I first started wanting to come home, it was because I associated home with safety, and at the time I didn't feel safe. And, I wanted to see my best friend again. But, I've come to realize things. Yes, I would much rather be around my parents some times and I did miss them sometimes, but I much rather be on my own. I like being away from my parents... a LOT. It's been 2 weeks almost, and I'm already annoyed by both my parents and how I am around them. My parents can be HIGHLY judgmental and I am too when I live with them. It kinda just seeps into my being. But when I live by myself, I wasn't as judgmental. My dad will still cuss around me. My mom and I will bicker about stupid things already. My parents will call over a dozen times between noon and 6 pm. They expect me to make dinner every night now, and to do things that they don't ask me to do. I don't know what they want. Good gosh. Tonight, they asked me to make dinner, so I started to scoop watermelon. Then mom called and said that we'll just have soup and sandwiches so I don't need to make dinner. They get home and see the watermelon rind on the counter and my mom assumes I ate half a watermelon so she gets upset. And while it is fully within my capability to eat tons of fruit without noticing, I didn't eat this half watermelon, so I said, "no, I actually scooped it out and put it in the fridge." To which she responded that she asked me not to. So I said that I got to it before she told me not to, and I added jokingly, "gosh, next time I won't do what you ask me to do." My father thinks it's his time to step in, so he yells at me for having an attitude. My defense is that mom and I were not having a serious discussion and were joking around. He then yells at me some more about my tone or something. At this point I don't even want dinner, but if I even SUGGEST that I don't want to eat with them, I know I'll get more of my father telling me how I have one hell of an attitude. So instead I storm around the house cleaning up my crap until I am summoned for dinner. Suddenly, my father's disposition is completely 180 and he now has jokes. All the while I'm wondering how I'm going to survive another 8 or so months when I'm having issues with week two.


So, when I get home, I'm going to try and get as many jobs as I can. This will get me out of the house more and I'm REALLY hoping for night time jobs so that I won't be home when they are. Rawr. But then I'm sure the argument will switch to phone arguments about how I'm never home. Catch 22.