Don't blog when tired and frustrated.
Of course everything is fine. My teacher was very understanding.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
Why this week? [[huge rant]]
I'm so bloody frustrated. It's like, all this semester it's a cakewalk and midterms come and it's not hard at all, but then, this last week and a half, it's like, OH by the way, this assignment is going to be a lot more in depth than the last one that was just like it, or, OH we're going to make it so that you can't access the internet where ALL OF YOUR ASSIGNMENTS ARE for 2 days. Did we say 2? We meant 5. So now teachers feeling the heat of the deadline say, OH it isn't your fault that the internet was down, we totally understand. So can you do the assignments that you had to do last week by 10pm tonight? Yes all of them, don't be silly. Your other teacher wants you to do the same? Well, great minds think alike! By the way, your group presentation tomorrow needs to be 15 minutes long.
I kind of wish I had a longer semester.
I go to school where the semester is only 12 weeks long.
It feels like 12 days.
Most schools are 16 weeks long.
What is 4 weeks?
Here is what 4 weeks are.
Take your 4 extra weeks and shove them somewhere back into 12 weeks. Blend well!
I have to do the same amount of work that any other college student does, I just have less time to do it. My 2 credit classes are more demanding than my 3 credit classes. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE TO YOU?
Allegedly, a 2 credit class demands 4 hours of homework a week. However, I usually end up doing 8 hours of homework for 2 of my 2credit classes.
If I get a poor grade, I'm just going to take it again.
Yeah, it's a waste of time, but hey, I'm going to be staying year round here and doing 3 semesters and a block period. That is a lot of time. That is kind of a lot of money... but I will have to figure it out... or just get married.
There isn't anything I really want to do.
I don't want to study anything in particular.
I don't want any particular kind of job.
I want to read good books, raise good children and have an amazing husband whom I would love and I want him to have a good job. Is that a huge problem? I hate grades because if I don't do well, then wow, I feel so stupid, but the thing is, is that I know I'm not. I just suck at HUGE LENGTHY assignments that take up HOURS of my time. I am average when it comes to tests, but the more questions you stick on a test, the worse I'm going to do.
I feel like I'm not designed for your typical school system.
I don't learn when I have hours of homework.
I don't learn by reading 100 pages of literary analysis notes.
I learn when I try to do those things but then go to class and you talk about them.
I can't just read some huge in depth reading and then analyze what an insect symbolized when it stung a sinner in Dante's version of Hell. Maybe YOU can, but I can't.
Sad thing is, I'm only taking 13 credits.
I hope as I get more into my major things even out a little bit.
[English education and theatre minor]
I like reading.
I like writing.
I don't like being told what to read and how to analyze it.
I don't like being told "WRITE EXACTLY THIS"
This I promise though:
This last week is going to kill my grades because of stress, classes that shouldn't exist and WON'T exist after this week, excessive readings, lengthy papers and huge presentations along with numerous group meetings and too many tests. But I also promise this: I can't let it happen next time. . . and I need my ultimate motivator to help me. I miss you Becca. ='[
Sometimes friends, true friends, tell you what you don't want to hear
but it is exactly what you need to hear.
I kind of wish I had a longer semester.
I go to school where the semester is only 12 weeks long.
It feels like 12 days.
Most schools are 16 weeks long.
What is 4 weeks?
Here is what 4 weeks are.
Take your 4 extra weeks and shove them somewhere back into 12 weeks. Blend well!
I have to do the same amount of work that any other college student does, I just have less time to do it. My 2 credit classes are more demanding than my 3 credit classes. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE TO YOU?
Allegedly, a 2 credit class demands 4 hours of homework a week. However, I usually end up doing 8 hours of homework for 2 of my 2credit classes.
If I get a poor grade, I'm just going to take it again.
Yeah, it's a waste of time, but hey, I'm going to be staying year round here and doing 3 semesters and a block period. That is a lot of time. That is kind of a lot of money... but I will have to figure it out... or just get married.
There isn't anything I really want to do.
I don't want to study anything in particular.
I don't want any particular kind of job.
I want to read good books, raise good children and have an amazing husband whom I would love and I want him to have a good job. Is that a huge problem? I hate grades because if I don't do well, then wow, I feel so stupid, but the thing is, is that I know I'm not. I just suck at HUGE LENGTHY assignments that take up HOURS of my time. I am average when it comes to tests, but the more questions you stick on a test, the worse I'm going to do.
I feel like I'm not designed for your typical school system.
I don't learn when I have hours of homework.
I don't learn by reading 100 pages of literary analysis notes.
I learn when I try to do those things but then go to class and you talk about them.
I can't just read some huge in depth reading and then analyze what an insect symbolized when it stung a sinner in Dante's version of Hell. Maybe YOU can, but I can't.
Sad thing is, I'm only taking 13 credits.
I hope as I get more into my major things even out a little bit.
[English education and theatre minor]
I like reading.
I like writing.
I don't like being told what to read and how to analyze it.
I don't like being told "WRITE EXACTLY THIS"
This I promise though:
This last week is going to kill my grades because of stress, classes that shouldn't exist and WON'T exist after this week, excessive readings, lengthy papers and huge presentations along with numerous group meetings and too many tests. But I also promise this: I can't let it happen next time. . . and I need my ultimate motivator to help me. I miss you Becca. ='[
Sometimes friends, true friends, tell you what you don't want to hear
but it is exactly what you need to hear.
Sunday, July 5, 2009
Memories
I know you tried
I know you're cursed
I know your best was still your worst
When Hollywood was calling out your name:
Saint Augustine.
[Band of Horses]
Summer of '06
I know you're cursed
I know your best was still your worst
When Hollywood was calling out your name:
Saint Augustine.
[Band of Horses]
Summer of '06
Friday, July 3, 2009
This is the gray liberal side of me.
I had a friend ask me about gender and gender roles and so we had this conversation and though none of you know him, I deleted his name. We shall call him "A" haha. Enjoy my insights and his insights on "gender" vs "sex." =]
BTW, he's pretty cute and a non-conformist Mormon. C'est amour! ;]
3:07 AM me: Gender, eh?
A: lol yeah :) it's my thing :)
me: Haha. What do you consider gender to be? What defines a man and what defines a woman?
3:08 AM A: u asking me? I asked first :) hehe
me: Haha. well, I just wanted to know where you stand on the concept.
3:10 AM A: i'd like to hear your thoughts before i explain mine. let's just say i have a problem with what they teach in psychology books.
me: HAHA. I bet.
A: but i really like to hear what other people think
i see truth and insight from other's ideas
me: Okay. So, I believe that at birth we are defined as with a sex, male or female, but in our lives we develop into a GENDER. Very different from someone's sex.
3:11 AM Some of us define our gender as our sex
some of us feel as though we identify more with another sex/gender.
in foreign countries there are up to 5 genders.
some alter their bodies to coincide with teh gender they identify with.
3:12 AM i myself don't completely identify as a female
it's kinda odd
yah, but it's true.
A: not odd to me
me: My ex girlfriend doesn't care what pronoun you associate with her.
I once introduced her as my boyfriend
A: :)
me: and she was not offended even though she had the junk of a female.
3:13 AM then i have many gay boy friends who will one day dress like a rugged guy and the next will go out with shaved legs and a skirt.
I believe gender is where you find full comfort in yourself.
I've just developed a strange liking of pink as a stereotypical girl would.
haha.
A: ha :D
3:14 AM it's not a bad color
me: . . . what GENDER are you? :P
just kiddingggg
A: hahaha
me: but yah, that is it in a nutshell.
A: that's cool :) thanks for sharing! I really love non-conformists, lol
me: hahahaha.
3:16 AM A: i've watched a lot of documentaries on transgendered identified individuals, and I've always been real interested in the social construct of gender.
do you want to know what i think?
3:17 AM me: of course. =] I love non-conformists. ;]
A: haha
3:20 AM well, I think that biologically male males and biologically female females are determined thusly. what I find interesting is those who feel incomplete in their sex/gender because of the social ideals that define what is male and what is female. Personality traits and gender roles for instance, I believe, have nothing to do with a persons sex. And that a boy shaving his legs and wearing a dress is completely masculine. Really... who is to say it is unmanly to do so?
3:21 AM I see harm in defining gender, because it will cause an identity crisis in those who feel they don't fit the confines of definition set my society
me: UM CHYEAH.
lol
A: lol
3:23 AM so, I could go on forever, lol. but that' basically it. I think that whatever traits a male has are masculine traits... and that maybe traits and personality shouldn't be defined by gender... though this has been the case throughout history and across cultures... as you mentioned
and same for females... that a biological female is completely feminine... because of that.
but it doesn't mean you have to fit the molds set by society
3:24 AM me: ugh. society does suck. haha. but I agree. femininity should have nothing to do with the little black dress and elegant hair.
A: right?
3:25 AM me: and masculinity shouldn't have to do with how many hours a day a guy is at the gym..
3:27 AM A: i always felt inferior/incomplete because i didn't fit the mold. I think this is why I relate to those with so called gender identity disorder... seriously, how do these five year olds believe they are the opposite gender just because of their likes and dislikes? because it is being beat into their brains that boys do this... and girls do that...
if those parameters weren't there... and if ones gender wasn't defined by personality and roles, than they wouldn't have to feel they are incomplete in any way
3:28 AM me: precisely. I like the way you think. :] I utterly hate black and white, and gender has a million miles of gray.
3:29 AM A: :D because people are a million shades of grey! there's no use trying to define us and set us into little boxes, because the cool (us) ones will refuse.
lol
me: LOL. legit. so true.
3:30 AM I have an article saved on my computer about the fifth gender if you're interested in it... i did a research paper on homosexuals last semester. hahaha
A: awesome! i'd love to read it! I did a research paper of gender roles last year, too. lol
3:31 AM me: o this is definitely up yer alley then. haha. I actually have the link.
http://insideindonesia.org/content/view/484/29/
indonesia is where all the gender roles are hoppin.
3:32 AM A: haha apparently
me: myes.
3:33 AM A: there's a group of men in tonga that are raised as girls.... usually if a family has only boys the mother will take one of the younger ones and raise them as women to do all the household chores and stuff.. interesting huh?
they're called fakaleke's
3:35 AM me: That is really something. It isn't degrading or anything either, it's just like assigned roles for the home. I dunno. It's different. I mean, think about if it had been reversed. anything feminine were masculine. say the guy was the home-maker and teh woman had to provide for the family. it's just a definition.
A: precisely
3:36 AM http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30327010&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=1326150033&id=1326150033#/photo.php?pid=30078102&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=1326150033&id=1484757486 .... are you TRYING to reinforce gender stereotypes?!?! LOL
3:37 AM me: I was forced into it at a birthday party. any other day you'd see me with a freeze pop stained shirt, a shovel, my boy-hair cut and my tonka truck. :P
you just caught me on an off day. haha
A: hahaha :) i love it.
3:38 AM me: My daddy told me that I would make a great flapper. hahaha
A: Well, Cat... I knew I liked you for a reason... haha. :) Thanks for the insights and conversation! I worked for 11 hours today, so I should get some sleep, lol.
3:39 AM hahah you would!
me: HAHA. I would have been dead asleep by now were I in your predicament. Well, get some good rest young suh. And I'm sure that we will talk again sometime in teh future. =] gnite.
A: hehe for sure.. night :D
BTW, he's pretty cute and a non-conformist Mormon. C'est amour! ;]
3:07 AM me: Gender, eh?
A: lol yeah :) it's my thing :)
me: Haha. What do you consider gender to be? What defines a man and what defines a woman?
3:08 AM A: u asking me? I asked first :) hehe
me: Haha. well, I just wanted to know where you stand on the concept.
3:10 AM A: i'd like to hear your thoughts before i explain mine. let's just say i have a problem with what they teach in psychology books.
me: HAHA. I bet.
A: but i really like to hear what other people think
i see truth and insight from other's ideas
me: Okay. So, I believe that at birth we are defined as with a sex, male or female, but in our lives we develop into a GENDER. Very different from someone's sex.
3:11 AM Some of us define our gender as our sex
some of us feel as though we identify more with another sex/gender.
in foreign countries there are up to 5 genders.
some alter their bodies to coincide with teh gender they identify with.
3:12 AM i myself don't completely identify as a female
it's kinda odd
yah, but it's true.
A: not odd to me
me: My ex girlfriend doesn't care what pronoun you associate with her.
I once introduced her as my boyfriend
A: :)
me: and she was not offended even though she had the junk of a female.
3:13 AM then i have many gay boy friends who will one day dress like a rugged guy and the next will go out with shaved legs and a skirt.
I believe gender is where you find full comfort in yourself.
I've just developed a strange liking of pink as a stereotypical girl would.
haha.
A: ha :D
3:14 AM it's not a bad color
me: . . . what GENDER are you? :P
just kiddingggg
A: hahaha
me: but yah, that is it in a nutshell.
A: that's cool :) thanks for sharing! I really love non-conformists, lol
me: hahahaha.
3:16 AM A: i've watched a lot of documentaries on transgendered identified individuals, and I've always been real interested in the social construct of gender.
do you want to know what i think?
3:17 AM me: of course. =] I love non-conformists. ;]
A: haha
3:20 AM well, I think that biologically male males and biologically female females are determined thusly. what I find interesting is those who feel incomplete in their sex/gender because of the social ideals that define what is male and what is female. Personality traits and gender roles for instance, I believe, have nothing to do with a persons sex. And that a boy shaving his legs and wearing a dress is completely masculine. Really... who is to say it is unmanly to do so?
3:21 AM I see harm in defining gender, because it will cause an identity crisis in those who feel they don't fit the confines of definition set my society
me: UM CHYEAH.
lol
A: lol
3:23 AM so, I could go on forever, lol. but that' basically it. I think that whatever traits a male has are masculine traits... and that maybe traits and personality shouldn't be defined by gender... though this has been the case throughout history and across cultures... as you mentioned
and same for females... that a biological female is completely feminine... because of that.
but it doesn't mean you have to fit the molds set by society
3:24 AM me: ugh. society does suck. haha. but I agree. femininity should have nothing to do with the little black dress and elegant hair.
A: right?
3:25 AM me: and masculinity shouldn't have to do with how many hours a day a guy is at the gym..
3:27 AM A: i always felt inferior/incomplete because i didn't fit the mold. I think this is why I relate to those with so called gender identity disorder... seriously, how do these five year olds believe they are the opposite gender just because of their likes and dislikes? because it is being beat into their brains that boys do this... and girls do that...
if those parameters weren't there... and if ones gender wasn't defined by personality and roles, than they wouldn't have to feel they are incomplete in any way
3:28 AM me: precisely. I like the way you think. :] I utterly hate black and white, and gender has a million miles of gray.
3:29 AM A: :D because people are a million shades of grey! there's no use trying to define us and set us into little boxes, because the cool (us) ones will refuse.
lol
me: LOL. legit. so true.
3:30 AM I have an article saved on my computer about the fifth gender if you're interested in it... i did a research paper on homosexuals last semester. hahaha
A: awesome! i'd love to read it! I did a research paper of gender roles last year, too. lol
3:31 AM me: o this is definitely up yer alley then. haha. I actually have the link.
http://insideindonesia.org/content/view/484/29/
indonesia is where all the gender roles are hoppin.
3:32 AM A: haha apparently
me: myes.
3:33 AM A: there's a group of men in tonga that are raised as girls.... usually if a family has only boys the mother will take one of the younger ones and raise them as women to do all the household chores and stuff.. interesting huh?
they're called fakaleke's
3:35 AM me: That is really something. It isn't degrading or anything either, it's just like assigned roles for the home. I dunno. It's different. I mean, think about if it had been reversed. anything feminine were masculine. say the guy was the home-maker and teh woman had to provide for the family. it's just a definition.
A: precisely
3:36 AM http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=30327010&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=1326150033&id=1326150033#/photo.php?pid=30078102&op=1&o=global&view=global&subj=1326150033&id=1484757486 .... are you TRYING to reinforce gender stereotypes?!?! LOL
3:37 AM me: I was forced into it at a birthday party. any other day you'd see me with a freeze pop stained shirt, a shovel, my boy-hair cut and my tonka truck. :P
you just caught me on an off day. haha
A: hahaha :) i love it.
3:38 AM me: My daddy told me that I would make a great flapper. hahaha
A: Well, Cat... I knew I liked you for a reason... haha. :) Thanks for the insights and conversation! I worked for 11 hours today, so I should get some sleep, lol.
3:39 AM hahah you would!
me: HAHA. I would have been dead asleep by now were I in your predicament. Well, get some good rest young suh. And I'm sure that we will talk again sometime in teh future. =] gnite.
A: hehe for sure.. night :D
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