Wicked long ranty post. =]

No one really notices me out here. Haha. Is that a blessing in disguise? It's really odd, actually. Like, I used to be good at striking up conversations with strangers, but out here, I feel strange talking to strange people. My only friends are Gabe's friends, my room-mates and our FHE brothers. I think I'm afraid to actually talk to guys out here because it feels like the only message around here is "GET MARRIED AND PRODUCE PERFECT MORMON CHILDREN," so, why would I want to talk to guys again?

Actually, it's kinda strange. Ok, there is this one guy who I THINK wants to try and say at least the word 'hi' to me. This guy is in my American Foundations class and looks like Luke Tozier..... only significantly quieter. :P But, anyway, he suddenly changed his seating habit so that he is a row across from me, then today he showed up at lunch.. and when Gabe left he had a clear view of me. So I tried to be as ugly as possible. It was actually great fun. I took my Sobe, grasped as best as I could like a beer bottle and threw it back like one. I figured, eh, he's a Mormon, he should be turned off by that. But he kept looking anyway. Then I was just like, Dang, maybe I have a snot or something. The though crossed my mind to just pick my nose in front of him.. but I figured that is too drastic. haha. Anyway, he is blond. [So, don't you worry your 'brunette' head off, Gabe, I'm just not that into blonds. hahahah :P ]

I just really miss male-friend interaction. Like, I WICKED miss chilling at the Fire Department, even if that meant dealing with Riley. I miss wrestling Tom in my livingroom while listening to Ligeia. You know? HAHAH. I miss chilling with Scuba Steve at his house watching some good flicks, tricking him into eating the red peppers from the General Tso's chicken, eaves dropping on his brother banging some ugly chick. Haha, or Scuba trying to get me to learn how to play pool. I didn't want to learn from HIM. =P I have my reasons. LOLZ.

I'm strange to miss that, right? LOL. I know. I even have gone so far as to admit that I miss the smell of the guys after they take off their fire-gear. The smell of stale, acrid smoke, the distinct smell of water from a hydrant, and sweat. Oooh, and the smell of a leather helmet as it burns. The smell of the exhaust from the engine. Yeahhh...



So here is my fave song from Secondhand Serenade:

Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
Because it's cold outside cold outside, it's cold out side
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because it's cold inside cold inside, it's cold inside

And your slowly shaking finger tips
Show that your scared like me so
Lets pretend were alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don’t care

Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don’t tell me that I am the only one that’s vulnerable
Impossible

I was born to tell you I love you
Isn't that a song already
I get a B in originality
And it's true I can't go on without you
Your smile makes me see clear
If you could only see in the mirror what I see

And your slowly shaking finger tips
Show that your scared like me so
Lets pretend were alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don’t care

Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don’t tell me that I am the only one that’s vulnerable
Impossible

Slow down girl you're not going any where
Just wait around and see
Maybe I'm much more; you never know what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone I can be anything
Just because you were hurt doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bleed
I can be anyone, anything, I promise I can be what you need

Tell me tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don’t tell me that I am the only one that’s vulnerable
Impossible.

Such a good band. =] I love 'em.


I haven't been sleeping well lately. I have been talking in my sleep. Not just talking, but apparently I was screaming the other night. I can usually remember my dreams or what I was talking about in my dreams. Most of the dreams where I talk out-loud involve someone dying, or me betraying someone. Like, a long time ago, two to three years ago, I had a dream that there was a huge hurricane and there was a huge evacuation in progress, and I went to assist with the evacuation. So, I went into this huge valley like thing, helping people out, and it was one heck of a valley. Like, walls of mountains completely surrounding this area I was helping. Then, all of a sudden, it turned into a football arena and everyone was there in that arena thing. Cots, children, elderly, food stuffs, etc. And it was an open arena. All of a sudden [all of a sudden happens a lot in my dreams,] it starts raining and raining and RAINING. Hard core raining. A helicopter hovered over and began getting the people out, quickly, because the arena was shaped like a bowl and was apparently water-tight. We got most of the people out and all of a sudden [go figure] I found myself with a rope around my waist, being hoisted into the air into the helicopter and I began yelling at whoever hooked me up to the rope, "THERE ARE PEOPLE STILL DOWN THERE. WE HAVE TO SAVE THEM. WE NEED TO GET THEM OUT. THEY'R

E GOING TO DROWN!"

I was informed the next day by my father that I was a cruel person for letting those people die. I yelled that out in my sleep. Crazies.

Then during the whole transition period from one boyfriend to the other, I had a dream that they were in the same room and one had a knife and began to attack the other, so I yelled out the victim's name in my sleep.

If I fall asleep soon after being on the phone, or while I am still on the phone, I sometimes think that person is with me... in my bed. I woke up once having a conversation with Gabe... thinking he was there. haha. Awkwarrrrrd.

Haha. Thinking back on all these occurrences makes me wonder how my dad claims to be a light sleeper. I scream in my sleep often. :P

I've had dreams where I get pushed.. or jump.. off of something and fall for a long time.. and scream.. then when I hit the "ground" I literally jump while in bed.

Anyway... my recent talking adventures in Rexburg have been fun. I once was talking in my sleep about how amazing I was for finishing my homework. "I'm so amazing! I finished all my homework. I'm so proud of myself." Then just within the last week or two, I have been starting to trust my room-mate a lot.... I tell her secrets while I sleep.. but she doesn't listen to me. She thinks it would be rude to listen to what I say in my s leep. But the other night, which worries me, I was screaming "WHAT THE HELL" in my sleep over and over and I was thrashing around in my bed. My roomie tried to wake me up by yelling at me and also by shaking me... I didn't wake. I have NO idea what I was dreaming. Last night, though, I'm pretty sure I was talking in my sleep. I had a dream that my grandpa died then like, three days later my grandma passed on. That wasn't a cool dream. My grandparents are RAD. Then my next dream was that I was wandering around downtown Rochester alone at

night, trying to evade a psychopathic killer. Fun times... let me tell you. And this is so my killer. I found him. On deviant art. =]