Where I come from

there's cornbread and chicken. Where I come from, a lot of front porch sittin. Where I come from, yer tryin' to make a livin' and workin' hard to get to Heaven, where I come from. [Some random country song that gets stuck in my head easily.]


I came to BYU Idaho to grow spiritually. I came to BYU Idaho to work on my problems.
I feel as if I have grown in some aspects spiritually. I still have lots to work on, fer sure, but I feel as if I have come quite some ways. Now, as for working on my problems... each and every day I realize a different problem I feel as though I have with myself and I try to remedy it. Sometimes I need isolation to do this. I like to go out, have a fun evening, then come home and be vegged out, or be zen. I don't feel like I need to be doing something 100% of the time to be happy. I'm happy being happy. I am happy when I have a good time out, then I focus on the self. Cause, honestly, the self needs a lot of help, and I don't want to rely on others to fix this self anymore. I honestly don't trust others to fix my problems or provide me with the advice they think I need. Frankly, everyone is biased. Yupp, I'm biased too. That's why I need to sit and meditate or write. What are the pros? What are the cons? Emotions aside, how does this actually affect me? So on and so forth. As frustrated as I get with him sometimes, Gabe has been instrumental in this process. He tells me what he thinks, which is biased, because it is what he thinks, but he presents it in a way that at first, pisses me off, then makes me think and during that thinking process, I am able to take his words and consider the problem in a different light. I like that.

So, tonight... what am I thinking about? You'd like to know, wouldn't you?
Well, I'll tell you a bit of it.
I'm thinking of Piper, my friend's baby. I'm thinking of how I grow attached to her. I tried to steal her tonight, but Piper's mommy had something to say about that, lol. I've always said that I want such an amount of children... which, when I was younger was two. When I joined the church, I said I wanted six for doctrinal reasons that I don't really want to explain, but it's rad. [If anyone REALLY wants to know why, email me, yo! cat.catharsis@gmail.com] But now I'm REALLY thinking about it. Like, the reality of it. Me being a responsible parent and having to really teach a child what I believe is true and right. It really excites me. =] With that said, I want about twelve kids. Just Kidding!! I don't want to settle on a number. I want to settle on quality. I want to have as many kids as my future spouse is able to provide for. Not provide such as spoil, but provide for as in clothe and feed every day. I don't want to have to decide between groceries or mortgage. I want to be able to afford both mortgage and groceries, but if groceries need to be in moderation, I'm content with that. =] I want kids. haha.

<3 I also want sleep. I will meditate on that now.

G'nite. =]