New England

TRAPPED.
SUFFOCATING.
LANDLOCKED.
CLAUSTROPHOBIC.

I need to get out.
I need to see the ocean,
feel the salty breeze on my cheek.
I need to feel embraced by trees all around me.
This place is a barren waste land.
I need reality, not surreality.
I need to feel the music in my veins again.
I need to go somewhere and feel the bass in my stomach.
The bass of a bass guitar, not rap bass.
I need to feel the warm sun beating on my skin.
I need space. Physical space.
I need a place to call mine own.
I'm not home-sick. I don't miss my house, my parents, my sister.
I miss me... I don't know who I am or why I'm here.
I thought it'd be easy to just take some classes and figure out who I am.
But it just made me realize how hollow I am. How driven without a purpose I am.
I have the ability to have a purpose... and I can't find one I like.
I don't want to have a career but I don't want to be the stay at home mom who turns into a blob... I want and need a purpose. If I do turn out to be a stay at home mom.. I want to be a good one. Not just the one who wakes up late, rushes the kids, then watches Ellen, Rachel Ray, Oprah, etc all day. I'm pretty sure I don't want cable. Maybe I don't want a TV cause it's just a reason to do nothing all day. Same with a computer.. unless it's in a remote place of the house.. Like, back in the day, my household computer was in the attic. 40 degrees in the winter tops and 80 degrees minimum during the summer [and many MANY bees found their way up there.]











This isn't it.