100th post

...and I still don't know where I'm at.

I look at your facebook just to see your face, your smile, and to remember what your laugh sounded like to me. I look through all your pictures, and I'm glad that you're happy with her. You deserve happiness and peace. May you always find peace. I still love, and care about you.

I'm still South of nowhere.

I still crave and yearn for something.

I'm just more mature, better with words and more reserved about myself. I've seen the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm not lacking experience in this world. I know the black and I know the white. But, now that I know fully both sides, I don't know where I truly belong. I know where my heart wants me to be; I know that without hesitation, but where logically do I belong? Is it right to follow my heart, or my head? What if following my heart changes everything everyone has known about me? What if following my head makes me the largest hypocrite in life? Double standards? Can I follow my heart without being a hypocrite? Yes, I can. Can I do anything in life without wondering if I'm doing the right thing? No, I cannot. I had roots uprooted years ago and roots uprooted BECAUSE my roots were uprooted. Does that make sense to anyone but me? No, it probably should not. And, if you do per chance know what I am referring to, silence is your best virtue. Being bound is being free. Paradoxical, but true. But is this true? Can someone feel full and empty at the same time? Must I always talk in doubles? In paradoxes? Yes. Because life is a paradox; life is a double negative. Taste the bitter to taste the sweet. Come what may; let the chips fall where they may. I hope all works out for the right.