Sometimes I wonder

Sometimes I wonder, what is the use in being responsible and mature if no one else wants to board that train?
I'm not saying I'm the most responsible and mature person out there, obviously, but I do get quite annoyed when people decide that they don't need to even try to be responsible or mature.
If you say you're going to do something, DO IT.
If you know you're about to be in an environment where money is going to be highly mandatory, get a job.
Don't mooch. That is such a pet peeve all of a sudden.
I see mooching everywhere.
I did that in high-school.


Bahh.

Sometimes I feel like if I'm not directly involved in the lives of others, my friends, I don't really know what is going on with them. Like, long distance? It is so easy to lie and pretend everything is okay when it isn't.

I miss home, yes, but some days I really just want to settle out here and leave old ties behind. I'm beginning to notice how some of my old ties feel like obligations instead of actual wants. I dunno. I doubt I could just leave New England behind. I don't want to be just another Mormon living in Mormon Central. Ya digg?

I keep having dreams about marriage. I don't know if the Lord is trying to hint at something, but these dreams haven't been like others. [lolz@BexWhoKnowsWhatI'mTalkingAbout] In old dreams about marriage, everything felt uncomfortable. I was in some huge dress with a ton of people staring at me and it was all stiff and formal and foreboding. "Till death do you part." And it was the same with the faceless man at the altar with me. It felt like .. uncomfortable.. again. Like it wasn't right. But lately, I've been having these dreams where I have been in a smaller, lighter room in a dress that was modest and not completely uncomfortable. There would be a small gathering of people, but not many at all. And the man? He and I were so unified in everything. We were like one. It didn't feel comfortable, necessarily, because at first marriage is like trying to make two units one. However, it was uplifting, beautiful, and I felt at peace with it. And now I feel, more than ever, that I want to find that feeling. I feel like I could be with a guy for eternity and love every minute of it. I want that.